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Day: November 19, 2009

Voices

Condoms anonymous

Trekking to class a few weeks ago, my condom supply as depleted as my bank account, I was thrilled to spot the H*yas for Choice table in Red Square. I was psyching myself up for my free rubber restock, when I recognized the male figure standing squarely in front of the giant jar of condoms, chatting with the girl manning the table. Let’s just say that he was one of my more dubious decisions from freshman year.

By November 19, 2009

Voices

He kept poking me, so I quit facebook forever

“I don’t have a Facebook.” I’ve had to say that every few days for the last few months. It’s been met with every response from “Are you crazy?” to “You’re... Read more

By November 19, 2009

Voices

I wish I had as much sex as the people on television

“I’m turning it off,” my mother would say as we were sitting down to dinner. She didn’t care that there were only 2 minutes left of Hey Arnold and it... Read more

By November 19, 2009

Voices

Nerds report increase in tail: blame Hollywood

My freshman year of college, I finally came to terms. I decided that it was time to come out of the locker and announce to the world: I am a... Read more

By November 19, 2009

Sports

Kiss the rings

I’m Bill Belichick. I’ve been coaching in the NFL in some capacity for 31 years. As a head coach, I’ve led the New England Patriots to the Super Bowl four times, winning three. Two years ago I captained the most prolific scoring offense in the history of the NFL. Many revere me as the greatest strategist and in-game manager of my generation, if not the history of the sport. Questioning my decisions is akin to telling Machiavelli how best to perpetuate a monarchy.

By November 19, 2009