Imagine, for a second, that you’re me. Now in all honesty, you’re not, and you can never hope to be. Because, as Talib Kweli will have you know, while most of y’all stay pissy like a urinal, my illness is terminal.
But allow yourself to bask in my reflected glow, and put yourself in my torn size-16 (yah … big socks) New Balances for a mere moment. Imagine you’re chillin on the couch, popping the Pringles, doing your best Al Bundy impersonation, channel changer perched on huffing and puffing gut. Yes, this is your world. This is your Saturday over Easter Break. You survey your kingdom from your slumped incline on the couch, flippin from Heather and Melrose to Glavine and the Bravos to the scrambled channel 63. And then it happens. You drop on one of those Fox Sports Net channels?they own the entire US, they’re horrible?and you see Harbin.
Harbin. In all its glory. Your once humble abode. You wish you had a girlfriend and about 60 more years, so you could tell your grandkids, “I once slapped a keg in that there dorm, Little Teddy.” But you see, you don’t have a girlfriend. And you’re still pathetic and lonely at 20.
So why, you wonder, is Harbin on the tee vee? Well, it’s all due to a bunch of guys who are hardly pathetic and lonely at 20, the Hoyas Men’s Lacrosse squad. Powered by goals from Trevor Walker, Scott Doyle, Steve Dusseau and Doug Staab, they overpowered Hobart this past weekend, 17-5, in a nationally televised sporting event.
The Hoyas, ranked 8th in recent national polls, have a huge showdown with undefeated ECAC (dat’s our conference, folks) foe UMass this Saturday up in Amherst. The winner will take over sole control of first-place in the ECAC and maintain an edge in the automatic bid for the NCAA Tournament.
Another man whose illness is terminal is Jason Boice, whose nickname (from his boys on da baseball squad) is something not suitable for The Voice, a family publication. Boice, a leftfielder, won the Hoyas’ Player of the Week honor for the second consecutive week by going 7 for 19 for the week, a .368 clip. This week, he tied for the honor with senior hurler Matt Arizin, who touched off a four-hitter against the Villanova Wildcats on April 14th. Did I mention that this four hitter also happened to be a complete game? Well, no, I didn’t. But I just did, and that proves once and for all that we are officially much better than Philadelphia in all ways.
Bucks in the East, baby. Bucks in the East.
Mavs in the West.
But I digress. Despite clutch performances by Arizin and Boice, the Hoyas still dropped their most recent game, 17-10, to UMBC. The Hoyas lost this game despite six doubles and two home runs, including a leadoff homer from third baseman Ron “Call me Rickey” Cano in the fifth inning.
The Harbin 2 alums on the squad, most notably Matthew Carullo, are all hurt or not being mentioned on www.guhoyas.com, the website that makes us all croon Ja Rule, “What would I be without you … “
I would be nothing without Women’s Lacrosse recaps, frankly, and that’s what I’m gonna lay out now. They had their biggest game of the season last week, against the Number One team in all the land (thank you Chris Berman), the University of Maryland Terrapins. Georgetown ain’t having too much luck with U of MD recently. I mean, first the Sweet 16, now this … we dropped it 13-9, despite four goals and two assists (for those of you scoring at home, that’s six points) from All-American attacker Sheehan Stanwick. I’m tired of Maryland beating us. I mean, you can take a car and plaster their campus with as much paraphenalia as ya like, but eventually, we need to get it done on the hardwood courts and grassy knolls of the Mid-Atlantic.
At least Steve Francis ain’t making the playoffs …