The Sports Sermon

By the

August 23, 2001

Our summer: Watching NBA summer league games on ESPN2 and wondering why Khalid El-Amin ever got cut from the Bulls. Those no-looks! The hustle! Threeee-cola!

And then you realize that he’s playing against Scott Padgett and Rick Brunson. Ugh.

So you change the channel. Brewers-Cubs on WGN? NBA Draft? Or Jada Pinkett movie on TBS? Hmm. Ah, the dilemmas of watching summer sports.

We here at the Sermon spent too much time watching sports on TV this summer. While most time was taken up by baseball, we offer the top five best sports moments of the summer.

5. Indians come back from a 12-run deficit to beat the Mariners. Twelve runs! Jolbert Cabrera? Marty Cordova? We haven’t seen a comeback like that since Ace of Base. Oh wait, they’re not coming back.

4. NBA Draft?Watching Shane Battier stand and smile after being picked sixth (HA!) and knowing that he will be doomed to a life of basketball mediocrity. And then he bashes the Kwame, Tyson and Eddy in ESPNMag? I think DeSagana Diop might have to break some ribs when the Griz come to Cleveland.

3. The Seattle Frickin’ Mariners, every Wednesday and Sunday. Who knew? EEE-CHEE-ROOOO. And who says Lou Pineilla can’t manage? (Father Pat … cough … cough.) The pitching staff can hang with the Yanks and so can the offense. Just ask Mike “Eight RBIs in the Bronx” Cameron. Yankees go down in October.

2. Vladimir Putin vs. George W. Bush. Brains versus pawn. There was a Holyfield fight this summer, too, but that was nowhere near as entertaining. The best part came when Bush said, “After meeting with this smarmy Slavic man that I’ve never met before, I got a glimpse into his soul.” Um, George, that’s the vodka talking.

1. The Jordan watch. According to several reports, Jordan has put on huge amounts of muscle and will return as a 6-10 power forward. He’s even in better shape than Ted Leonsis! Then again, aren’t we all? Well, not Barkley.


1. The Gold Club Trial. A few years ago, it seems like a bunch of marginal NBA stars decided they wanted more than just a lap dance. Andruw Jones was there, too, which is cool. Anything that makes the Braves look bad is fine by us.

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