The Sports Sermon

By the

August 30, 2001

Two things we can learn from watching The Life on ESPN:

1. Ken Simonton, Oregon State running back and Heisman candidate, looks cool in a beret. In fact, more superstar athletes should wear funny things on their heads. John Rocker should walk around with a plastic bag over his head. That would be funny.


2. Pharoahe Monch is indeed dope.

The Serm is kind of in a limbo this week, loyal reader(s). With all this moving-in hoo-ha, there hasn’t been much time to open the good old box scores and peruse worthless things like Pokey Reese’s batting average. So we’ve been watching first-years instead. And wow.

On Sunday night, there was a herd bigger than Nebraska’s O-Line traversing Healy Circle en route to a crowded and sweaty party in Henle, where conversations such as this occur:

“Wow, this place is awesome. Harbin sucks compared to this.”


Yikes. Well, here’s something we do know. Jesse Tuggle is retiring. What the hell is the NFL going to do without Jesse Tuggle? Jesse Tuggle is the most dominant linebacker, ever. Jesse Tuggle will probably be inducted to the Hall of Fame on his first ballot.

Actually, who cares? The only thing we lose is a guy whose name rhymes with Mr. Tuttle, the drivers ed teacher from Saved by the Bell. (Pop quiz: Can you name all of the main Saved by the Bell cast members? Here’s a start. Lark Voorhies.)

So folks, The Serm still remains your one-stop source for largely unimportant sports news, Georgetown social goings-on and failed attempts at witty prose.

But hey, at least we don’t use the phrase “a certain je ne sais quoi.” Like Ryan Leaf, those people need to go away. Far, far away. Like to Burleith. Way up on T Street or something.

Go Redskins.

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