Sports

The Sports Sermon

By the

November 15, 2001


It was brought to our attention over the weekend, while spending late nights in the Voice office with noodles, fun baggy sweatpants and bearded fellows from the University of Georgia, that the editor of this section and the writer of this prosaic diatribe (ah, isn’t talking in unnamed third person so … disturbing?) is a hypochondriac.

Yes, he thinks he has anthrax. The cutaneous kind. It’s festering under his cuticles, an inky blobular sore.

He also thinks he has a heart murmur, as well as a permanently broken toe. The same toe, he thinks, is prone to ingrown toenails.

So this was weighing on his mind throughout the week and he sought the one all-saving panacea, the thing that could make him forget all of his unfounded worries.

He sat down in front of the television on Tuesday night, after taking a break from reading American Psycho (after the part where Bateman maces his ex-girlfriends face to a pulpy mess, then prods at it with the bone of her dead severed arm until the face caves in on itself). He turned on CBS and, lo!, ‘twas Michael Jackson’s concert from Madison Square Garden! Was the editor saved? Not yet. While MJ’s moonwalking transfixed two-thirds of an entire Kober hallway, it was a cutaway to the audience that made him forget his ailments:

It was Reggie Miller. Reggie Miller in a funny hat. Reggie Miller in a funny hat dancing. HA!

When sports meets pop culture in such a ridiculous way (see Kazaam, Brian Bosworth), there is no better answer to our woes. The editor smiled with glee. Ah, lanky NBAers, how do I love thee? Anthrax begone.

This is a time for sports.

College basketball has started, and did you hear that Dajuan Wagner scored 100 points in his Memphis debut?! Actually, no he didn’t. And he won’t save Memphis, for crying out loud! Remember when Larry Hughes, Gee Gervin and Dontonio Wingfield were supposed to save Conference USA? Yeah, it didn’t happen. Rodney White was much cooler.

If want to see some dope college hoops, much better than anything John Calipari could fathom, then check out McDonough Friday?Hoya basketball, getting set to destroy Marymount.

Drew Hall and Tony Bethel are gonna blow up the Big East this year, and you, YES YOU, can see them live. Just think: When they’re in the NBA, you can say you sat 100 yards from them!

And when Bill McGonigle is in the NBA, well, then Hoya Blue is our new religion …



Read More


Subscribe
Notify of
guest

0 Comments
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments