So the Super Bowl’s over, what now? These are the two or three weeks of the year when I start getting work done, my roommates make video games a full-time occupation and my sports-addicted grandfather refuses to leave his house, mired in a crippling mix of withdrawal, depression and impatience. College Basketball, the NBA and the NHL don’t heat up until March; baseball exhibition games don’t start airing on television until midway through the same month. Until then, we’re left with the NFL Pro Bowl (the most miserable excuse for an all-star game ever), some meaningless hockey and basketball and, our saving grace, the most overlooked form of sports entertainment, the sports movie.
So in the spirit of the moment, I have decided to give a rundown of the top-10 most entertaining sports movies of all time. I’m leaving off the more serious efforts like Raging Bull and Brian’s Song because if you wanted to feel miserable and watch sports at the same time you could buy the 2001 Orioles Season in Review videotape. These movies are being judged purely on their worth as diversions, films that make you laugh, make you happy or, at the very least, pass the time faster than staring out the window and waiting for spring.
10) Rudy. Yeah, this was probably the corniest movie of all time, and I know that it’s not exactly factually accurate, but how can you not root for Rudy? Plus, the movie has Charles “Roc” Dutton in it. That, in itself, is enough to crack the top 10.
9) Necessary Roughness. As far as sports movies go, this takes the cake over Major League 3: Back to the Minors as by far the most Bakulicious. Our hero Scott Bakula shines as a really old quarterback who goes back to college so he can hang out with Sinbad and hit on his teacher. Furthermore, offensive linemen everywhere love the sexual tension between Manumana and Kathy Ireland.
8) Breaking Away. Most probably haven’t seen this late 1970s cycling film, and I often wonder why. The movie is both actually funny and funny to look at all the late ‘70s period stuff.
7) Major League. Charlie Sheen, Wesley Snipes and the great Tom Berenger made this baseball team gone wrong then gone right scenario almost an instant classic. This movie certainly would’ve been higher on the list if they never made a sequel. Bob Uecker is always fantastic.
6) Hoosiers. Former high school basketball players will hate me for putting Hoosiers this low, but I just can’t get into as much as everyone else can, although I admit it was excellent. A much, much, better Gene Hackman picture than Any Given Sunday, which was perhaps the worst movie ever made.
5) Happy Gilmore. Adam Sandler’s best role ever is a hockey player turned golfer who gets his ass kicked by Bob Barker. This movie may very well have changed my life. You just don’t get any funnier than this.
4) Caddyshack. This is interchangeable with #5; we’re talking two fantastically hilarious golf movies. Caddyshack gets a slight edge over Happy because of its remarkable cast, and because I found out that Bill Murray improvised that whole Dalai Lama bit.
3) Slap Shot. Another incredibly overlooked sports comedy. In the best hockey film ever, Paul Newman is a total stud, despite his advanced age, and the Hanson brothers’ goon line beats the bejesus out of everyone.
2) Rocky. Again, this is a total cornball pick, and I know that everything in Rocky has been cliched 30 times over and that all the boxing scenes are the most fake things ever, but something about me can’t help but be inspired to start working out after I hear that music.
1) The Natural. Anyone whose seen this movie and doesn’t re-enact the last scene every time they step onto a lighted baseball field has no soul. I’m convinced that this is the best thing Robert Redford has ever done (sorry, The Horse Whisperer) and Wilford Brimley is absolutely fantastic as the grizzled manager.
I apologize to anyone who thinks I overlooked Air Bud 2, Ed, Ladybugs or For Love of the Game. Please never read my column again.
