Hey Hoya fans, forgive us if we’re the only ones this side of the equator who aren’t excited for March Madness, but we’re not. March Madness would be exciting if our team were in it at all, but it isn’t so don’t blame us if we’re a bit annoyed that we have to sit through a month of annoying Dicky V. and Digger Phelps ranting and raving about upsets by Siena and all that jazz. As far as I’m concerned, Dick Vitale and his favorite team, perennial powerhouse Duke, can take a long walk on a short pier. Hey Dick, “You’re an annoying loser, baby!” By saying that March Madness is the most exciting time of year we think Vitale is forgetting that for the majority of the country, this week is “March Sadness” as their teams are either home “going to classes” or in the Not Important Tournament, i.e. the NIT.
In other news, the Knicks keep on losing and look to have their worst season in decades, which would normally be a bad thing except for the fact that it might set up Knicks GM Scott Layden to make the one good move in his horrible tenure by taking 7-foot-5 Chinese Center Yao Ming. Yao could be exactly what the Knicks need to get back on track, and he would replace the giant void that was left when idiot Layden sent the best player in New York history, No. 33 Pat Ewing, to the Sonics two seasons ago for absolutely nothing. Yao, who says that he wouldn’t want to play in New York because of all the noise, better get used to it as far as we’re concerned because New Yorkers are ready to welcome him to the Jungle when the Knicks get the first pick next fall.
One thing to mention is that D.C has now officially licensed Mike Tyson to box in the nation’s capital. In a 3-0 decision Tuesday night, the D.C. Licensing Commission made a powerful point to any of you who thought that sports were more important then money (you fools!) and decided to give the psycho (Mike Tyson) another chance. D.C. resident Malik Waleed, who came to watch the hearing, said, “He’s not coming here to give a presentation on morality, this is a boxing match.” Well Malik, we couldn’t agree with you more, so now all you boxing fans, better get your tickets and don’t forget to bring a plastic sheet if you are sitting in the first row, because you never know whose ear might hit you in the cheek.
Elsewhere, it’s more woes for Darryl Strawberry, the former baseball star of the New York Mets and a brief period with the Yankees in ‘96 and ‘99. Strawberry, who has had on and ON problems with drugs throughout his career, has now got an even bigger problem: They have kicked him out of rehab. As they say on Saturday Night Live’s “Celebrity Jeopardy,” “the show has reached a new low.” According to an ESPN report, Strawberry was thrown out of a Tampa rehab center for violating several center policies including smoking, exchanging baseballs for cigarettes, autographing baseball cards and clothing, giving money to other residents and most importantly HAVING SEX WITH OTHER PATIENTS! (Guess you just couldn’t keep hands off those crack addicts, could you?) Now it looks like the Straw, as he is affectionately known, will have to be transferred to a more secure location and one that his agent has specified “has no women!” We’ve got a great idea: Why don’t we invite him to come have a single in COPLEY!
Anyway, that’s about it for us this week in the Serm, as for our predictions in the tournament this week, we’ll go with G’town not being in it cause that’s a sure bet. But in reality, we think that Oregon and Gonzaga are gonna meet in the Finals, baby. As for Dickie V, we hope you are hit with a flying ear or a Darryl Strawberry autographed dime bag. March Sadness begins tomorrow, fill in those brackets!
