Show us an efficient super-criminal with civic aspirations, and we’ll show you a way to get this city running tight as a drum. Unfortunately, all anybody’s been able to show us is last week’s Metro section story in the Washington Post detailing former D.C. Mayor Marion Barry’s run-in with U.S. Park Police. After receiving a phone call complaining of a mysterious car parked in a no-parking zone, the park hoodie-hoo arrived on the scene and searched Barry’s car. A “preliminary field test” turned up $5 worth of crack, in addition to some marijuana residue. Too little to prosecute (so they let him go, sans the children’s aspirin-sized rock) but too much to go unnoticed. Because do you know how much crack they would have found in his car if he didn’t smoke the stuff? We will be so presumptuous as to say, “None.” In his defense, Barry said he was waiting in his car to meet a female political ally, and the drug residue in the car was a police set-up. Whatever. It’s all somewhat reminiscent of his 1990 arrest (while mayor) for crack cocaine possession. And who gets set up by the Park Police? We should all stop giving the man the benefit of the doubt.
These events are especially relevant because Barry is considering running for an at-large seat on the D.C. City Council. Which brings us back to super-criminals. If we elected a real Hollywood-grade villain to city office, assuming said villain was sincere, and had a well-thought-out platform, the benefits would be incredible. Those guys are real go-getters. Granted, we would probably have to get used to local leaders using rather unorthodox methods in cutting red tape. But who cares if Councilmember Jack Evans (D-Ward 2) has to sleep with the (mostly dead) fishes in the Anacostia River if it means Metro can run on time?
But our own celebrity criminal politico, Marion Barry, just isn’t up to the task. How can we expect him to effectively break the law when the fate of the city is at stake if he can barely manage to evade arrest for his personal habits? And as a mayor, the man was far from impressive. In 1998, at the end of his last term, mismanagement in D.C. was so pervasive that the federal government had assumed control over the city’s finances.
So what should Barry do? The problem may be his approach to recreation. Alcohol has a proven track record as the substance of choice for American politicians; maybe Barry just needs a change. More than likely, though, is that the man just isn’t fit to do the job. Since the park incident, he has announced that he might reconsider running for the council seat. We should be so lucky.
