This past weekend a group of friends and I went to see Swimfan at Union Station. As we were leaving the theater and entering the Metro station, we saw something fall in front of us, and it took me about 10 full seconds to realize that it was vomit. A guy in front of us was sprayed, looked up and shouted, “I can feel your pain, but Goddamn.”
The problem is, I can feel her pain. While I try not to puke onto people, I puke all the time. I just have the weakest stomach. It’s not just rollercoasters?it’s car rides, movies and even the occasional breakfast at Friendly’s. Because these puking incidents are unplanned, people usually see them, which makes them embarrassing. Yet as embarrassing as they are, I take some sort of pride in them, like war stories, and if they didn’t involve me, I would find them really funny. Here are the best, in chronological order:
1. Sophomore year of high school, I went with my father on a college tour to UVA and Duke. My father is a doctor, and he said I had one of the grossest, snottiest colds he had ever seen. While shoving Kleenex up my nose worked fine in private, it wasn’t cutting it for the info sessions. Dad thought I’d embarrass myself in front of an admissions officer and sully my chances of acceptance, so he gave me a good double dose of cold medicine on an empty stomach. By the time we started the tour of Duke and made it to the dorms, I lost it in a courtyard. Sure glad I didn’t embarrass myself with the runny nose.
2. My junior year of high school, I went on a debate trip, and my friend Efriam told me that he needed to talk to me about something serious. We had agreed to talk at my house after we got back. In the meantime, I got in a fight with my boyfriend over the phone, and we broke up. When Efriam got to my house, I was upset about that, but didn’t tell him. We went for a walk in the park, and near the swing-set he started to tell me that he knew that someday I would marry someone, and it upset him because he knew it wouldn’t be him. He told me how when we listened to the song “Jesse’s Girl” on the debate trip, it made him think of me, and that he wished we could date. I then graciously accepted this confession by puking on his feet. Amazingly, he’s still my friend.
3. On a summer family vacation, we went to Amherst, Mass. We started the day at a Friendly’s diner and then went to tour Emily Dickinson’s home. During the tour of the historic spot, I left and puked behind her garage (although I imagine this was a newer addition to the house). Later that year I told some friends at school what had happened, just as we were finishing up a unit on Dickinson in senior English class. The final question on an exam was to write a poem in the style of Dickinson. My teacher’s favorite was an ode to my incident that began, “This blade of grass, alone, that has been puked on by Gina.”
4. Sophomore year of college, I went to see Blow with a roommate, my boyfriend at the time, and his roommate. There was nothing particularly nauseating about the movie, but we were sitting in the first row in the right corner. Fully expecting what was to come, I excused myself a couple of times and waited. Nothing happened. I thought I was in the clear. We made it out to the parking garage and my roommate said I looked confused, and then kind of crossed my eyes and ran away. I looked for a trashcan and, finding none, decided to puke on a random section of cement. Add to this story the movies Titanic, Blair Witch Project, Dancer in the Dark and Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade. I puked in the movie theater during all of these movies, with varying degrees of shame.
5. The ultimate movie upchuck story occurred this past summer. I went to see Minority Report with a friend and my brother. I thought I had made it through the movie and was in the clear, but people kept taking so long to actually leave the theater. Realizing I wasn’t going to make it to the bathroom in time, I headed for a trashcan. Luckily this trashcan was in a nook where no one would see it. Except that my friend and brother followed me. I didn’t quite make it to the trashcan, but something magical happened. I was able to make this vomit hook shot into the miraculously lid-free trashcan. I was mortified, but they acted like they had just seen a great sports moment.
Although it is taking a large amount of discipline, I am avoiding eating large amounts of gross, fatty foods, awkward situations and seeing movies with a lot of motion. But sometimes it’s unavoidable. So the next time you see someone throwing-up next to you, try not to laugh where she can hear you. Try to feel her pain. But Goddamn.
Gina Pace is a senior in the School of Foreign Service and senior writer of The Georgetown Voice. While she bleeds Hoya Blue, she pukes Hoya Grey.
