Ah, snow days at Georgetown—a rare and beautiful thing. And what better way to spend them than outside participating in winter sports? Here is a how-to guide for my three favorite Georgetown snow activities.
Hilltop skiing-This is an activity that I first witnessed on campus Sunday night, and it was love at first sight. First you find a pair of skis or an old door-or anything that will slide across the snow for that matter, like a skinny roommate. Next, you must find a way to strap yourself to your vessel. Finally, and most importantly, you need to get an old rope and a car with four-wheel drive, as this will be the method for your madness. Then it’s as simple as holding on for dear life while being pulled along at blistering speeds, as whoever is driving will probably bust through stop signs like Randy Moss. This exciting sport is slightly dangerous, but if you can avoid pedestrians and make sure to drop the rope when your driver slams on the brakes then you should be OK. For extra oomph, spend a few minutes building your own moguls so you can launch yourself into the air, onto cars and over shorter members of the campus community, who will look on in wonder as you come inches from decapitating them. While it can lead to internal injuries and deep muscle bruises, have no fear, as the freezing snow will numb the pain and keep down the swelling. The suffering begins later when you head back inside, so have fun while you can!
Hitting GUSA presidential candidates with snowballs—In this exhilarating game, you must first choose a good hiding place. I recommend going behind one of the big red staircases leading down towards the graveyard next to the ICC. Make sure to pick the hardest patch of snow that you can find and make sure that it’s really dirty. The goal is to score a clean hit right on the face or mid-section of an unwitting GUSA candidate as he is hanging a meaningless campaign banner in Red Square. Remember, while it is not the primary objective of the game, you do receive points for hitting members of the core campaign staff as well, so don’t hesitate to throw even if you don’t have a clear shot. Finally, if you want to play the team version of this game, have each team endorse a candidate and start throwing. The more direct hits you score, the more na?ve first-years will vote for your candidate on Election Day!
Snow Hoyas Basketball Team—This activity is quite simple and can be fun for the whole family. To make a snow team effectively, there are several steps that you must take to ensure the proper environment. First, draw the outline of a basketball court in the snow with your foot. To make sure this doesn’t take too much time, pretend the court is McDonough and make it small and uncomfortably crowded. Blur the baseline and the three-point line to imitate the old chipping paint, and if you really want to be realistic you can even make some wobbly snow bleachers to seat the disgruntled snow fans that you might have if your snow team started winning.
To construct the snow Hoyas, simply stack piles of snow really high and then carve the features of your favorite Georgetown players into them. Remember, we are making a realistic snow Hoya basketball team, so make sure to spread three of the players out along the three-point line, leaving only one snow Hoya in the paint, unable to receive a post entry pass. The fifth snow Hoya should be placed farther back at the half court line, ensuring that there will be a man to shoot a last-second desperation shot in case the team actually has a chance to win at the snow buzzer.
Next, you’ll need to make a snow Esherick. Lie on your back in the snow and spread your arms and legs apart, much like you are making a snow angel. There are many variations to the snow Esherick. First there’s the “20-second time out” snow Esherick: Raise your hands above your head in a questioning motion and repeat to yourself, “What is going on here? Time out!” If done correctly you should have two perfectly formed ovals above your head. What you won’t have is a decently conceived play to bring back to your team. The second type is the “irate rant at the refs” snow Esherick. For this one, pump your fists in the air in a frantic motion while screaming, “He’s being hacked, godammit!” This will give you a three-inch divot in the snow and should result in a technical foul from the blind snow refs that you must build to have a realistic game.
Finally, make sure that you have plenty of excuses for why the snow team is not performing up to its potential, and you can even build a snow Athletic Director to tell anyone who criticize your artistic skills that you can’t expect to build a good snow team every year. Once this is done, you’ll have a complete snow Hoya basketball team. All you have to do is wait for someone to knock them all down.
