Our younger brother Michael told us on IM the other night that after reading Bret Easton Ellis’s Less Than Zero, the children of L.A. scare him. Why, we asked him.
“They’re bisexual cokeheads with lots of money and whatnot,” he explained.
Well, there are other children in L.A. that scare us a lot more, and they call themselves the Lakers. Rick Fox aside, they may not be spoiled bisexual cokeheads, but the team that was left for dead not one month ago is back and more explosive than ever.
For instance, the Lakers-Rockets game on Tuesday night quickly went from Shaq-Yao II to Samaki Walker-Yao I, then to Mark Madsen is Lame XXVI, and finally to the Kobe Bryant Show. Fifty-two points in 54 minutes ain’t bad, even though Eduardo Najera could probably drop 50, too, if he were hoisting 40-plus shots per game.
What’s more impressive, though, is that Kobe has scored at least 35 points in 10 consecutive games and at least 40 points in six straight games. He’s scored FOUR HUNDRED AND THIRTY points in the last ten games. Has Mark Madsen scored that much in his entire career? And why does Mark Madsen even have a career?
The Lake-show is within four games of Utah, Phoenix and Houston, putting them in prime position to take one of the bottom three spots in the Western Conference playoffs. Surely Kobe won’t be able to keep up this 40-point pace for much longer, but with Shaq over his toe injury (ha!), the Mavs and the Kings are both peeing in their pants right now as a potential first-round matchup with the Lakers looms. We wrote off this dynasty too soon.
The Mavs and the Kings should indeed be worried, because this is their last chance to win a title. As we all know, the Nuggets are going to win the draft lottery, take Bron-Bron with the No. 1 pick and dominate the NBA for the next decade. After that, LeBron will be traded to the Wizards, where he will team up with a reanimated Michael Jordan zombie to bring glory back the Eastern Conference. It’s really too simple.
So Bibby and Dirk, listen up! Destroy the children of L.A. while you still can. Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember: They can buy anything, but they can’t buy backbone. Don’t let them forget it.
