Let’s play Around the Horn, except without ESPN’s Max Kellerman, who looks like a 15-year-old straight out of juvey. And we’ll also do without the marginal sportswriters from arbitrarily selected newspapers. (“Random dude from Milwaukee Journal Sentinal: What do you think about Kobe? What? Sorry, YOU’RE MUTED!!!”) Wow, that show sucks. Instead, here goes Around the Horn, Serm style:
Syracuse wins NCAA Title-Sweet, now we can have thousands of Orange-clad bandwagon Carmelo Anthony fans crowding the MCI Center at next year’s Syracuse game and drowning out the cheers of our own beleaguered Hoya fans. The only good thing about Syracuse winning it all is that it gives millions of greasy Upstate pizza-chompers an excuse to not kill themselves. What a hellhole.
Ken Griffey, Jr. gets injured, again-Cincinnati fans take to eating sausage and drinking too much, again.
Roy Williams forces out Kansas A.D.-Jayhawk Athletic Director Al Bohl was forced out of office on Wednesday after basketball coach Roy Williams threatened to leave the school if Bohl didn’t resign. Bohl told the media that Williams “had the power to crush me or let me fly and he chose to crush me.” In other Kansas basketball news, every Jayhawks fan in America told the press that Williams’ ability to teach free-throws “had the power to crush us or let us fly and it chose to crush us.”
Calipari says he will stay at Memphis-Sadly, this denies any other Division I hoops program the opportunity to become overrated and subsequently spiral into a nasty web of academic fraud and recruiting violations instigated by an arrogant opportunistic crook of a coach. Go Tigers!
Redskins sign four Jets-This offseason, Washington bolstered its lineup by signing ex-Jets Chad Morton, John Hall, Randy Thomas, and Laveranues Coles. Steve Spurrier was overheard to say “da g” and “hot damn, son.”
Pirates in first place-Andy van Slyke is rolling over in his grave. Wait, what? Oh, we thought he was dead.
Hootie Johnson stays the course-In a victory for fat, stupid Southern white men everywhere, the president of Augusta National Golf Club once again told the press that he will not back down on the issue of admitting female members. At least the Klan is on his side.
