Lazy? Underachieving? Looking to lead the easy, dissolute life among peers of similarly lax worldviews? Are you a major league baseball team? Then do I have the perfect destination for you-the Centrals.
That’s right, folks. If you aren’t into the whole “playing to win” thing, check the central divisions of your respective leagues. Join the Centrals and you’ll have it easy-not just lowered expectations, but multiple four-game homestands against the Tigers or Brewers every season! And forget about those pesky Wild Card races-that stuff’s for those annoying rat-racers on the coasts. Yep, just mail it in a couple times a week and you’ll have the marginally-better-than-.500 record guaranteeing you a free postseason pass to get mauled by the Braves or Mariners in four games.
Sure, joining the Centrals might involve a move, but there’s plenty of destinations thirsty for mediocre baseball. Indianapolis, Omaha, Columbus, New Orleans-they’re all ready for a drink. So ditch those high hopes, dismantle those rosters (the closer to the trading deadline, the better), and head for the Centrals. It’s just plain easier out there.
