Hoops hysteria is upon us. Well, maybe not hysteria, but hyper-sensitivity at least. With the Kobe Bryant trial and concurrent Kobe-versus-Shaq star wars taking place, the Staples Center just overstepped Hollywood and Vine to become the melodrama center of So-Cal.
And the whole thing is absolutely ridiculous: Shaq is an overconfident, chubbily jovial movie star who buys truckloads of toys on Christmas to pass out to the underprivileged. Still, he can pretend to be a menacing figure. I mean, really, you have to admit that he’s intimidating in that ring-around-the-rosy TNT commercial. Any man who will threaten insult-hurling eight-year-olds can’t be too mature or mentally balanced.
But counter the big fella with Kobe Bryant; the sophisticated, Italian-speaking fellow from the rich suburbs of Philly who spends his free time on vacations in Colorado mountain resorts. He’ll be spending a lot more time in Colorado these days thanks to that hampering legal system. Kobe’s launched himself into a full-body PR campaign, tatooed all over with names of his wife, kids, and various scripture passages and biblical figures. I hope they quiet the demons in his mind, because I have a feeling they definitely aren’t convincing Eagle County district attorney Mark Hurlbert, who claims to have enough physical evidence to put Bryant away for quite some time. Can anyone else see Kobe in pinstripes twenty years from now saying, “I’ve been known to locate certain things from time to time.” Red wasn’t Irish, either, but Kobe is going to need some Irish luck to get out of this predicament.
All the while, this negative attention has drastically overshadowed the additions of two future hall-of-famers, Byron Russell and Horace Grant, to a lineup that was already in championship contention. Good thing they got Russell, huh? He’ll still find a way to get highlight reeled in the playoffs though.
The saddest part about the entire circus is that it is overshadowing a number of significant starts in what could be one of the most intriguing basketball seasons in ages. Nearly the entire Western Conference is armed for nuclear war. The Mavericks and Timberwolves are restocked and ready to rock. The Rockets and Suns are solid outfits as well, and would easily be two of the better teams in the East. Everybody in the house say “yaow.”
Unfortunately for these Western Conference teams, none of the them will be able to keep pace with the defending champions, the Spurs, or the revamped Lakers. The Spurs reloaded by adding a number of quality veteran sharp shooters and another young seven-footer to complement the best post-player, no,the best player in the NBA: Tim Duncan. Come May, the playoffs should be truly epic.
In the meantime, the attention will focus on the city of the stars, where two of the brightest just can’t get along. Kobe’s arguably the best in the league, but are his distractions really worth it? The Lakers could win it without him, and I’m sure the Nuggets would give up Carmelo Anthony to acquire Mr. Bryant. Kobe’s legal bill is going to be big enough that I’m sure he wouldn’t mind saving on those travel expenses.
