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LEISURE

Best place to meet Jane Hoyas picking up their birth control pills: CVS on the first of the month, 1403 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.

Head into the CVS on P Street and Wisconsin any day of the week, and you’re bound to run into someone you know. Hope all you want that you won’t run into any fellow Hoyas in the condom aisle, you can count on several awkward encounters at the pharmacy desk around the first of the month. Why? It’s Jane Hoya birth control pick-up time. Because you can’t get this prescription filled on campus, CVS in Georgetown is the next most convenient option, and several Janes take advantage. With so many Georgetown students waiting in line (typically for a very long time) to fill their prescriptions, Jane Hoyas should really set up some kind of car-pool service or distribution plan. Until they get organized, however, lecherous Joe Hoyas can lurk aisles in search of … prepared women.

Best karaoke: Caf? Japonais, 2032 P St., N.W.

Best high school theater to attend: Duke Ellington High School, 1698 35th St., N.W. Check out the calendar of events at www.ellingtonschool.org

Best cheap date: a movie in Lauinger

Best place to hook up if you’re a screamer: Sound-proof music rooms Southwest Quad. Be careful, though. This secret find is reportedly not so sound-proof.

Best industrial goth dance night: Black Cat, 1811 14th St., N.W.

Best picnic spot: Gravelly Point, just north of National Airport. What’s more romantic than airplanes flying over your head?

Best matchbook: Madam’s Organ, 2461 18th St., N.W.

Best clich? activity to do while drunk: Sit in the big chair at Duke Ellington High School.

Best embassy to not notice: Ukrainian, 3400 M St., N.W.

Best place to park illegally with your blinkers on: Behind White Gravenor

Best student-produced compound in organic chem lab: Polystyrene. Any orgo lab student can tell you that the styrene lab is best-you can freeze a penny in frozen, clear, chemical plastic, and you get to take your experiment home! (But the pesky Chem department will charge you the cost of the test tube). C8H8, we salute you.

Best place to run into a Steward: Georgetown Tobacco, 3144 M St., N.W.

SHOPPING

Best store to shop like a high school goth chick: Commander Salamander, 1420 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.

Salamander employee Kelly says that “the clientele mostly consists of the 18-25 crowd, but the store occasionally gets the 12-year old who wants to buy a ‘Fuck Me’ shirt.” Whether you’re one of Kelly’s weekly regulars or just looking for the perfect accessory for your next pimps ‘n’ hos party, Commander Salamander can surely fit the bill.

Best place to dumpster dive: Trader Joe’s, 6831 Wisconsin Ave., Bethesda, Md.

Best store to shop like a high school punk chick: Smash! 3285 1/2 M St., N.W.

Best place to buy ultra-chic European furniture: 3300 block of M Street

Best store to buy mom’s birthday gift: Candles in the Park, Georgetown Park Mall

Best place to buy last-minute emergency anniversary present: Greenworks, 2611 P St., N.W.

Best place to buy a purse out of a closet: Fashion Gallery, 1257 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.

Best realistic mannequins: H&M, 3222 M St., N.W.

Best book store: Kramer Books and Afterwords, 1517 Connecticut Ave., N.W.

Best used book store: Kultura’s Secondhand Books, 1706 Connecticut Ave., N.W. Piles of used books, a collection of classic postcards and some literary collectibles.

Best natural grocery store to buy your spelt and flax seed: Naturally Yours, 2029 P St., N.W.

Best music store with a free poster bin: DC CD, 2423 18th St., N.W.

CHARACTERS

Best Hoya Court employee: Pauline Washington

“Have a peaceful day,” Pauline Washington says as she hands change to people in Hoya Court. With that simple sentence, Washington brightens the lunch breaks of many students, faculty and staff. “You never know when a person is going through something. Wishing them a peaceful day just puts a little peace in their heart,” she said.

Best Log Cabin Republican: D.C councilmember David Catania (SFS ‘90, LAW ‘94)

Best accidental radical: Theresa Sanders. Last spring when Cardinal Arinze spoke at Graduation, Theresa Sanders left the stage. Although she declines to talk to press about her reason for leaving the ceremony, we credit her for standing up for Georgetown’s true Catholic identity.

Best creepy alum: the ubiquitous Manny Miranda (CAS ‘82)

Best speaker planned to come to GU that just died: Edward Said

Best Georgetown alumnus-cum-scapegoat: CIA Director George Tenet (SFS ‘76)

Best boa constrictor holder: Guy that stands on corner of Rock Creek Parkway and Virginia Ave. You’ve seen him while you’re running along the Potomac to the monuments. While he generally hangs out between the Thompson Boat Center and the Watergate Hotel, he’s been spotted as far up the river as the Georgetown Canal. His most important fashion accessory: a big fat boa constrictor.

Best mustache: John Q. Pierce. Little did you know that your own University registrar also grooms a killer mustache. Sitting right above his upper lip, this Georgetown tradition weighs in with a solid inch of thick ‘stache.

Best hair: Mathematics professor Paul Kainen. Although he and the rest of the math department were just booted out of offices in Kober-Cogan, this silver fox can’t get too down. Why? Because he has great hair. Silver and stylish, we can’t wait to run our hands through this mane.

Best Georgetown squatter: that woman who sleeps in Sellinger Lounge

BODILY PLEASURES

Best sex shop: Pleasure Place Dupont Circle, 1710 Connecticut Ave., N.W.

Buying sex toys can be a daunting experience for the innocent Georgetown undergrad. But leave your Catholic guilt at the door of the Pleasure Place in Dupont Circle. Far enough from Georgetown to ensure no accidental bump-ins with your theology professor, the Pleasure Place has something for the sexual novice and the kinky dominatrix alike.

“I’m swimming in dildos” the woman behind the counter tells me. “We have tons of inventory right now.” The most popular sex toy, known on the street as “the rabbit,” was propelled into the sex toy hall of fame after a cameo on Sex in the City.

But there’s more than dildos here. Looking for chocolate-molded breasts? Check. Flavored lube for safe oral sex? Bingo. Massage oils? Oh, yeah. Also look for sexual board games, body painting kits and that certain movie genre Movie Mayhem doesn’t carry.

Best neighborhood to vomit in: The Cloisters, 37th Street and Reservoir Road, N.W.

Best cheap haircut: Luna’s Hair Design, 2014 P St., N.W. It’s a full salon haircut with a student discount. Go crazy.

Best private but very public place to get it on: Balcony outside of White-Gravenor 206

Best place to get your second-hand smoke fix: Village C Patio

Best office to sleep in if you don’t have a dorm room and don’t need to shower: Georgetown Solidarity Committee

Best selection of urinals: Men’s bathroom, third and fourth floors of Walsh

Best place to see a naked Jesuit: Men’s locker room, Yates Field House

Best bathroom to not frequent: Second floor of Reiss

Best hair cut for women of color: Shear Movement, 1314 U St., N.W.

Best coin-op bathrooms: Kramer Books and Afterwords, 1517 Connecticut Ave., N.W.

WINING AND DINING

Best improvised cafeteria food: Rice Krispies treats

Take a bowl of marshmallows with a bit of margarine and microwave for about 30 seconds. Mix it around until it’s liquid, then add the krispies. Bonus tip: add some M&M’s for an extra kick

Best place to get your month’s yuppie cake fix: Cakelove, 1501 U St., N.W.

Best place to rip off free food from GU: ICC Galleria

Best place to make free samples into a dinner: Whole Foods, 2323 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.

Best cheap wine: Best Cellars, 1643 Connecticut Ave., N.W.

Best BBQ: Rocklands, 2418 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.

Best green tea ice cream: Teaism, 2009 R St., N.W.

Best sushi: Chopsticks, 1073 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.

Best place for dinner and Bollywood movies: Caf? India, 1042 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.

Best post-Yates Jane Hoya meal: the Big Salad

Best place to blow $35 on margaritas: Cactus Cantina, 3300 Wisconsin Ave., N.W.

Best hamburger: Five Guys, 107 Fayette St., Alexandria, Va.

Best $2 Chinese: Chu’s Caf?, 3261 Prospect St., N.W.

Best beer: Tombs Ale. The Tombs, 1226 36th St., N.W.

Best fake meat entr?es: Harmony Caf?, 3287 M St., N.W.

Best park to get bird shit on your pizza: Francis Scott Key Park, 34th and M Streets, N.W. It’s a beautiful park, but it’s loaded with overhead bird perches. Enjoy the arbor from afar.

Best French restaurant: Bistro Du Coin, 1738 Connecticut Ave., N.W.

Best jumbo-sized pizza slice: Pizza Napoli, 2341 18th St., N.W. The slice is bigger than your head. Be hungry, be very hungry. As soon as you’re out of the bar, it’s the best thing that can happen to you.

Best gelato: Cascade Caf?, National Gallery’s East Wing, Constitution Ave. between 3rd and 9th Sts., N.W.

Best hummus: Bistro Med/Little Caf?, 3314 M St., N.W.

Best chocolate mint ice cream: Maggie Moo’s, 2324 18th St., N.W.

GEORGETOWN

Best it’s-about-time minor at GU: African-American Studies

The first African-American studies departments started popping up on campuses right after the civil rights movement. Since then, most all respectable universities have added one. Georgetown officially approved its African-American studies minor this semester. Way to go.

Best secret tradition of Georgetown’s secret society: Flower planting

Best excuse at Georgetown: Catholic identity

Best parking lot you can’t use: Under Southwest quad

Best comedy: GUSA meeting

Best forced acronym: SMURF (Students Marketing Underrepresented Facts)

Best job title: Social norms coordinator

Best loss of student space: Leavey Center arcade

Best place to hook up now and marry rich later: Chimes party

Best sport to take up first week of college: Crew

Best sport to take up after you quit crew: Drinking

Best advice given by a bookstore employee: “If you walk really fast through the sensors with stolen merchandise, the alarm won’t go off.”

Best place to not drink water: Poulton Hall. Don’t look for a drinking fountain, there isn’t one in the building.