After much smoke-filled, back room deliberation and deal making, the Voice encourages its readers to vote Jon Stewart for President of the United States of America Tuesday, Nov. 2.
In today’s mass-media ruled society where no fact is left unspun, the people need a leader who can distort the truth with wit, clarity and style. America needs a president who can mislead the public with a smug grin and caustic asides, not a down-home drawl or a droopy face. He is the only potential candidate with the courage to take the sacred cows of the American power elite to task when necessary, from Tucker Carlson and Wolf Blitzer to Jude Law and Snoop Dogg.
For a country so sharply divided along party lines, Stewart has the potential to be a uniter, not a divider. Nothing could serve the lauded cause of bipartisanship better than a nation-wide Moment of Zen. According to the New York Times, Stewart is an influential figure among the coveted 18-to-25 demographic, historically known for their rock-bottom voter turnout rate. The preferred political activity of young Americans is to sit on the couch and shout at the television; what better scapegoat could there be than a television comedian? Conveniently, he’s already got a lock on a primetime slot.
One of the most important matters the next presidency will determine is that of the judiciary. When Rehnquist steps down from the Supreme Court, Stewart can be counted on to replace him with a sensible, competent appointment like Mo Rocca or Stephen Colbert. As far as the war in Iraq is concerned, he may not have a real plan for winning the peace, but at least he admits the fact. National security will rest intact as any potential terrorists are stopped in their tracks and befuddled by the inane questions of Stewart’s crack team of newscasters, to hilarious effect.
America needs a man unafraid to be honest about screwing the nation over. Don’t sit idly by while the fate of the United States is turned over to the right wing; take action. See that it’s turned over to the wrong one.
