We all enjoyed it. Sure, there may be some who deny, even to themselves, the sadistic, carnal pleasure they took in witnessing the complete breakdown that was the Lakers’ 2004-2005 season. They may refuse to acknowledge that the best Christmas present they got this year was being able to see Shaq and the Heat take out R. Kelly and the Lakers in a showdown that was hyped twice as much as Vanilla Coke but tasted 10 times sweeter.
But deep down inside, I know that each and every basketball fan in the country outside of L.A. was stifling peals of maniacal laughter when the Lakers went from almost-champs to absolute chumps with a 34-48 showing more reminiscent of L.A.’s other team. You know you’re in trouble when you have a worse season than the Clippers. Think of that kid that sits a couple of rows away from you in class. You know the one I’m talking about. Sits on his ass the entire period, alternating between absent-mindedly picking his nose and sleeping on his desk, the drool forming a puddle that you could practically swim in. He is, for all intents and purposes, a waste of space. And those few times he does talk in class, he asks the most inane, off-topic questions with a level of articulation and enunciation once thought exclusive to Ozzy Osbourne.
Then you get your midterms back. You’re a decent student. But when you check your grade, it’s a 55. You glance over at the proto-human’s exam. It’s a 58. That’s what it feels like to have a worse season than the Clippers.
However, there may be hope, a light from the east to dispel the dark clouds hanging over L.A. That’s right, the Zen master himself, Phil Jackson, may be back on the sidelines next season to the sweet tune of $10 million per. Hey, those white, flowing robes aren’t free. That’s the man’s asking price, and the Lakers’ first season without Jackson’s uncanny ability to feng shui players into the triangle offense provides him with a compelling case.
Jackson will meet with Kobe Bryant this week, a chronic sufferer of a debilitating disease that permits him only to make passes off the court. Jackson has been spotted around the team’s training facility rather often lately and sat down for 45 minutes with general manager Mitch Kupchak a few weeks ago. He has also visited with the injured Lamar Odom and spoke with owner Jerry Buss. Not to mention, y’know, he’s sleeping with Buss’ daughter, which made the whole firing process really, really awkward, yet strangely satisfying for Buss.
While New York is also courting Jackson, he is already familiar with L.A., which has changed little since his departure. Well, there was one change. A 7’2” change. But Jackson’s won plenty of championships before with a guard as his focal point. Bryant doesn’t have to be like Mike to make the three-point palm exploding heart technique work. All he has to be is willing to let Jackson draw up the plan, acquire the right pieces around him and install the thing the way Jackson wants to.
