“Ladies and gentlemen, can I please have your attention. I’ve just been handed an urgent and horrifying news story. I need all of you to stop what you’re doing and listen.”
There is no cannonball here. But if they hope to survive, the whole of the American public should board up their windows, lock their doors, turn out the lights and never attend another Indiana Pacers game. Ever.
Ron Artest is on the loose.
If anyone hoped for a more subdued, friendly Ron Artest this season they are sorely mistaken. Really, for a 73-game suspension, a year’s probation and community service what did you expect?
“I’m going to continue playing hard and out of control, like a wild animal that needs to be caged in,” Artest told ESPN before the Pacers’ preseason opener on Tuesday night. “I’ll let the referees handle it.”
Great. Let the referees handle it. I’m sure the fans feel so much safer now. In case anyone forgot, Artest is the same man who was criminally charged after he ran into the stands last Nov. 19 and started wailing on a helpless Detroit Pistons fan in a game in Auburn Hills, MI.
It’s a shame Artest hasn’t learned his lesson and toned down his demeanor. The NBA and the world of sports do not need his wild antics anymore. Celebrating a touchdown or taunting a pitcher after a home run is one thing, but pulling a Mike Tyson and trying to physically deform an already chubby and uncoordinated man is not entertainment. It’s downright scary.
When we think of those notorious few who played out of control, names like Bill Romanowski and Dennis Rodman come to mind. From juiced linebackers whose ‘roid-rage causes them to spit in opponents’ faces to Carmen Electra’s cross-dressing ex-husband, I think we need to say enough is enough.
If he is already a loose cannon, than the league should tighten the bolts on Artest. This season, each move he makes should be scrutinized and handled accordingly. Fines, suspensions and whatever else is necessary to keep Artest in line should be meted out. He has already proven that he will go above and beyond what is considered normal, civilized behavior for a human being, let alone one in the public eye. And his recent comments show he has not learned that the hardcourt is not the place for a bar fight.
For all his talk about “cooling down” and “moving on” Artest seems to have done just the opposite. No one wants to have to cage a professional basketball player, but it can be done in a little place we call jail. Comissioner David Stern has done a great deal for the game of basketball and its resurgence in the last couple of years, but this may be one of his toughest jobs yet.
Hopefully, the next horrifying news story we report with a quote from the legendary Ron Burgundy will not need to include the cannonball, especially one shot from the cannon that is Ron Artest.
