With I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby’s indictment fresh off the presses, we think it is a good idea to beat out the competition and invite Scooter to join us here in academia. It is time to add Scooter to our list of Distinguished Faculty alongside his un-indicted possible co-conspirator George Tenet (SFS ‘76).
That is not to say Georgie is the brightest of lights among our Distinguished Faculty. We’ve also offered refuge to ousted political leaders (former Spanish President Jose Maria Aznar), lackluster political operatives (Donna Brazile) and a brooch-obsessed former Secretary of State (the Honorable Madeleine Albright).
What is the Scootster, as he’s affectionately known around the Voice office, going to bring to the table? Well, besides a distinguished career in public service, where he has dragged us into a war we’re still mired in and allegedly used classified intelligence to smear critics, he has managed to write an out-of-print erotic mystery novel set in a Japanese snowstorm. What’s next, the Presidential Medal of Freedom?
Scootski could moonlight as an English professor while teaching government courses on the failed vision of American neo-conservatism or Nixonian political skullduggery. This assumes, of course, that he won’t be spending five to 10 years in a federal penitentiary. The outcome of his trial is very much up in the air. We’re told that lies and perjury only matter if you lie about intern sex, like former President Bill Clinton (SFS ‘68)?we wonder what he’s doing these days?but not if you lie about critical national security matters.
Though we’re fervently hoping that Scooter joins our program, we would like to suggest some other world figures that could enlighten the general Georgetown populace with their real-life experiences. If the president of Zimbabwe, Robert Mugabe, finds himself victim of a political coup in the near future, Georgetown should snag him.
If Sen. Rick Santorum (R.-PA), a practicing Catholic who attends mass with Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (CAS ‘57), loses his 2006 re-election bid, we’d love to see him join our flock. Santorum could enlighten our biology classes with his “man on dog” theory.
Our wish list also includes Fallen Supreme Court nominee Harriet Miers for work in the Career Center, landing our most qualified graduates the most prestigious jobs.
Whatever Distinguished Faculty our future holds, we can be sure of one thing: If you can’t make it in a high-profile job or if you catch a few indictments, you’ll always have a home on the Hilltop.
