Among the many rally cries that grew around Georgetown’s game against Duke last Saturday, there is one that seriously needs to be addressed. Many people-on this very campus-seem to be of the opinion that “DUKE SUCKS.” Well, Hoyas, Duke doesn’t suck. Duke is actually very good. And we still beat them.
Perhaps some are still in disbelief; we therefore will prove Duke does not suck. To begin with the standard Merriam-Webster’s definition, Duke does not “draw (as liquid) into the mouth through a suction force produced by movements of the lips and tongue.” I mean, maybe the players do that on their own time, but no one here at The Voice has ever been on their team bus, and we seriously doubt anyone on campus has either, so claims that Duke sucks along these lines are clearly unfounded at best.
Before you accuse us of being obtuse, we’ll turn to what we’re pretty sure most people intend to say when they yell “Duke sucks”: that Duke suffers a severe lack of skill. Frankly, before being outplayed in every way by the Hoyas, Duke was ranked No. 1 in both the Associated Press and coaches’ polls. That is, before being kicked around by Jeff Green and Co., Duke had yet to lose a game this year. To reiterate, before John Thompson III taught Mike Krzyzewski how to coach a basketball team, Duke had already beaten currently third-ranked Memphis and then-second-ranked Texas, which is interesting, because that’s what Duke is ranked now: No. 2.
In all fairness, Georgetown has played some teams that suck. Strangely, however, no one was yelling “STETSON SUCKS” or “SAVANNAH STATE SUCKS.” Don’t these teams deserve their due? And maybe if someone had known the name of a Stetson player, there would have been an “Ugg boots” sign on Copley for that game. “Stetson number 21 wears Ugg boots” doesn’t have the same ring. Stetson probably has a number 21, right?
Duke’s not sucking really shouldn’t put a damper on our campus’ excitement, but the obvious problem becomes figuring out what we can yell in important situations, such as when we need to talk to our friends at Duke, or when those of us of legal age have consumed a few adult drinks in a controlled environment next Saturday. “DUKE IS REALLY PRETTY GOOD BUT WE OUTSCORED THEM BY THREE POINTS IN AN OFFICIALLY SANCTIONED NCAA CONTEST” would be most accurate, but perhaps unwieldy by a couple of syllables. “DUKE, WHILE SKILLED, IS NOT PARTICULARLY TO OUR LIKING” would better convey the original meaning, and as a plus avoids vulgarity, allowing you to yell it around your mother.
Of course, what we could do is just say “WE BEAT DUKE,” and smile happily, still basking in the glory.
