Most of my female friends look at me with a blank stare accompanied by the “Oh-my-God-he’s-serious/Boys-are-so-stupid” look when I tell them that the 49ers’ sixth pick in the NFL Draft will change my life. They assure me that whether Mike Nolan & Co. takes Jefferson Davis or Humpty-Dumpty doesn’t matter because I will still be able to watch Josh Harnett in Pearl Harbor on Saturday night at 8:00 p.m. But I disagree, and so do millions of other fans across the country rooting for their own gridiron stars.
For some unfathomable reason, we have all accepted the undeniable fact that this weekend’s draft is must-see-TV. Surfing the Web looking at mock drafts, researching that potential seventh-round steal from Wofford and watching Mel Kiper, Jr. tell you that Jay Cutler is over-hyped and that his hair is real have become part of the pre-draft ritual for millions of fans.
I’ve been watching the Draft since I can remember, since Chris Berman’s nicknames actually made sense and since the 49ers consistently had a pick higher than No. 25. A couple of years ago, after Terrell Owens left the Bay Area for Philadelphia, I sat and watched the entire first day of the Draft to see how San Francisco would recover its offensive force. Those eight hours set a personal record for forced laughter and wry smiles at awkward jokes. It was more painful than watching Tom Cruise jump on Oprah’s couch proclaiming his love for Katie Holmes. But I come back every year, and with six wins in the last two seasons, it can’t get any worse for the Niners, so this year I am more excited about the Draft than I am about the actual games. It’s a major professional sport itself. I don’t think anyone can dispute the fact that the Draft will attract more viewers in America than the NHL playoffs.
But why do people put themselves through such mind-numbing chatter and watch the same highlight clips 10 times in the 15 minutes between first-round picks? Why do they sit on the edge of their seats, trying to read Paul Tagliabue’s mind and decipher a pick before the announcement is made? Why do they waste away an entire weekend watching a sporting event that has no form of competition whatsoever?
It’s because, like myself, each and every fan has a genuine and wholehearted faith that the future of their fandom is being laid out before them like a red carpet. We hope that if we keep our eyes glued to the screen for the longest time possible then maybe, just maybe, that future will be mapped out in gold and end with some trophy named Lombardi.
It may take time to decipher the inexact science that is the NFL Draft, but if your team drafts the next Jerry Rice, you will be able to look back with a smile as he hoists his Super Bowl MVP trophy with the satisfaction of feeling that you had something to do with your team’s renaissance. So fire up the grill, tap the keg and if you need me this weekend, you’ll know where to find me. I’ll be playing Nostradamus on my couch watching Boomer, Jaws and the gang. My life depends on it.
