Fellow Hoyas, the time has come to ask not what you can do for your basketball team, but to ask what your basketball team can do for you, and that is to overthrow the Student Association. Asking the Student Association to get things done at Georgetown is like expecting Craig Esherick to draw up a game-winning play. But Jonathan Wallace, unflappable when the game’s on the line, flat-out gets things done. We call for the abolition of the Association, to be replaced by Princeton-style governance—elitist, with one supreme leader, young Jonathan Wallace.
The Hoyas’ assist man can both dish and swish—he averages 11 points per game. He can lead with an iron fist or delegate to his minions: Secretary of the Interior Vernon Macklin and Special Advisor for Smoothly Knocking-Down Threes DaJuan Summers.
What matters most in a supreme leader is his courage, like the ability to drive through a gauntlet of oversized men in oversized shorts for a lay-up. JWall isn’t flashy—he doesn’t care about making the highlights; as our fearless leader, he would shoulder his duties with quiet dignity and strength. The Alabama Rainmaker is consistent—he never allows for a scoring drought, nor would he introduce a new constitution every couple of months, just to look like he was keeping busy. Most importantly, he won’t be able to use convoluted rhetoric to avoid answering questions because he’ll communicate with the masses strictly through hand signals.
He’s also electable: smart, good-looking and from the South. But even better, he’s scrappy. He won’t back down from a challenge, whether it’s from Dominic James, Scottie Reynolds or pesky administrators who say expanded meal plans can’t happen. Additionally, Wallace has a staff that gets things done—the geeks at UIS probably would work a little harder to deliver better wireless if Jeff and Roy had a little “talk” with them about letting the team down.
The time for change is now, Hoyas. After the madness of March has ceased, Wallace will have time to shift his attention from stifling rival guards to kicking butt and taking names off the court. It’ll be the perfect time to abolish the Student Association and appoint the Hoyas’ floor general to be our Commander-in-Chief.
