Across campus this week, Georgetown students were struck, often literally, by the falling leaves and frigid gusts of air that told us fall has arrived in full force. Gone are the carefree games of corn hole and volleyball on the lawn; here to stay are basketball and the dreaded hall sports. But even as students in layered clothing speedwalked between classes this week, anticipation of one sporting event kept everyone warm: Halloween.
Yes, Halloween is a sport, and here’s why. Athletes dress up in uniforms and work, often with a group of like-minded and similarly uniformed persons, to accrue points or victories according to a set of rules understood by all involved. On Halloween you, and hopefully a group of your friends, dress up in costumes and work toward the accumulation of candy or freshmen biddies according to the laws of trick-or-treat. In sports, older players might partake of banned substances in order to insulate themselves from the effects of age; many post-adolescent trick-or-treaters indulge in illegal substances in order to insulate themselves from the effects of the chilly October air. Although both practices are unofficially sanctioned, egregious fouls are punished with penalties, whether they take the form of suspensions with forfeiture of pay or some face-time with a Hall Director. Weak and overextended sports metaphors aside, Halloween is a great time to put your musty old jerseys to good use. Just as the Pittsburgh Steelers use every opportunity to don their beautiful “throwback” black-and-golds, loyal sports fans and former high school standouts should take advantage of Halloween to represent their side, ridicule the opposition, and let everyone know they played for the best JV basketball squad Northridge High has ever known.
I play rugby, and last Halloween I went out as a women’s rugby player. I wore my normal rugby kit, augmented it with a stuffed bra, threw on some rouge and a wig and-voila-instant sex symbol. You can believe I took home the goodies that night, and I’m not talking about candy.
But not all sports-inspired costumes are in good taste. There were more than a few Cory Lidles (the Yankee pitcher who died in a plane crash in 2006) stalking O Street a few years back, and I know of at least one Georgetown student who plans to hobble around wearing Tom Brady’s number 12. Then there are the scandal costumes: Mavericks forward Josh Howard carrying a spliff, Howard making inappropriate remarks into a camcorder, Howard drag racing through a residential area. Hopefully Tommy Bolt won’t make an appearance-that would just be too obscure.
Another popular sports motif is the slutty athlete. Everyone knows a girl who’s pulled this stunt: a borrowed Arizona Diamondbacks jersey knotted across the midriff over black tights and six-inch heels-“Who are you?” “I’m a slutty Randy Johnson.”-Little did we know the Big Unit’s big units were so shapely.
So, whatever your talent level, dust off your helmet, iron out your tennis whites, and lace up your Sambas-Halloween is a perfect occasion to live out your dreams of sports stardom, if only for a night. Maybe we’ll bump into each other out there. I’ll be the one throwing golf clubs into the water hazard.
Help Jeff put on his costume at jgb39@georgetown.edu.
