Last week, the National Aquarium gave the Voice the unique opportunity to interview three of the sharks housed in the basement of its building on 14th and Constitution Ave. Despite having to go through extensive security to visit the sharks—they do, of course, live in a federal government building—they gracefully downplayed their celebrity status and responded to my questions with the utmost candor. Even though I had to read their expressions through the glass, it was clear that they do not let the customized enclosure and legions of ogling visitors go to their cartilage-protected heads.
When I first asked them about their backgrounds, they were clearly reluctant to respond. The Swellshark swam off into a corner, and the two that remained were noticeably uncomfortable. The Leopard shark, however, eventually emitted some meaningful bubbles. “Leaving the ocean wasn’t easy, but I think that going out of our comfort zone was worth the sacrifice,” he said. “Out quality of life has definitely improved.” The Horn shark added that the supply of free food is a silver lining. “I just want to pinch myself all the time, but then I remember that I don’t have any fingers,” he gushed through a swirl of enthusiastic bubbles.
A typical day for these three sharks revolves around seeing a litany of tourists pass by their glass enclosure. They admitted that the incessant voyeurism was difficult to get used to at first, especially for the shy Swellshark. Many tourists can be insensitive, some tapping on the glass and others making faces. “The really annoying ones insist on wearing those ridiculous Hawaiian shirts and taking thousands of photos,” the Leopard shark said, clearly exasperated. “I wouldn’t mind seeing them drop into our tank for feeding one of these days,” the horn shark grumbled in agreement.
When asked about what they enjoy doing in their free time, the sharks generally agreed that a good game of “Sharks & Minnows” or “Go Fish” (these usually occur around meal times) provide ample entertainment when making fun of tourists gets to be too much. Their last resort is listening to the Swellshark’s existentialist leanings. “Honestly, living in a tank is depressing enough as it is without hearing his reflections on the meaninglessness of life,” the leopard shark said. The swell shark declined to comment.
The conversation grew heated when I mentioned sharks in pop culture. Insisting that they are misunderstood enough as it is, the sharks attributed society’s gross misconceptions of them to the film industry. In their opinion, Jaws was just the beginning. “Sharks got a lot of attention after that, but it was all for the wrong reasons,” the horn shark said. Representations of sharks as aggressive killing machines, in his opinion, are completely inaccurate.
Recent depictions of sharks as struggling with eating lifestyle choices simply cater to the other extreme. “The whole ‘fish are friends, not food’ thing is just ridiculous,” piped up the Swellshark. “And don’t even get me started on The Life Aquatic—a Jaguar shark doesn’t even exist!” exclaimed the snubbed leopard shark. Clearly, the representation of sharks in films was a sore subject for this trio.
