I’m not worried about being drafted. I’m confident that if there is a draft and my number is called, I will be laughed out of the boardroom once they see the results of my physical examination. I was a pretty good athlete as a kid, but by age 13, I had succumbed to several physical ailments that usually only befall old men, including two trick knees and a vaguely-categorized “bad back.” I recently realized that my feeble bone structure could be my ticket out of a war zone. But I’m worried about the fate of my peers, and I wonder why they don’t seem to be as concerned about the possibility of a draft as I am, now that President “Bring ‘em On” has been reelected.
When P. Diddy presented young Americans with the choice, “Vote or Die,” many assumed he was exaggerating, but maybe he wasn’t. Although young voters had a higher turnout than in 2000, about half of us still didn’t vote. Mr. Diddy told us that the power was in our hands to change the country, but many of us either still didn’t believe him or didn’t care. Young voters needed more than a flashy catch phrase. P. Diddy patronized us by putting on a good show but not adequately articulating an in-depth message about the election’s real importance.
If we had been able to vote Kerry into office, the chance of a military draft being installed during the next four years would have decreased dramatically. A Kerry administration would have de-emphasized the Bush Doctrine of preemptive war. According to the Democratic candidate himself, his military policy would have focused on the premise that “The United States of America never goes to war because we want to. We only go to war because we have to.” But instead we are left with an administration dominated by those who, in fact, wanted to go to war with Iraq for years and still maintain hopes of radically recreating the Middle East, by force if necessary.
The problem is not that we’re apathetic, it’s that we just don’t think a draft is possible. Or if there is a draft, we don’t think it could affect us. We’re too rich, pretty and sheltered to venture out into most of D.C., let alone Fallujah. While Georgetown prepares us for a wide range of white-collar careers and teaches us how to binge drink in moderation, I don’t believe that it succeeds in readying us for future stints as soldiers. I don’t think I’m the only one here who lashes out in a violent rage when a landlord stops by the house before 11 a.m. A 10-minute walk across campus to meet a friend is out of the question if it happens to be raining. Even the idea of taking a class on a Friday is like ordering a salad at McDonald’s-I know it’s on the menu, but it would be preposterous to actually choose that option. From time to time, I conjure up the motivation to go for a light jog on Reservoir, but I wear a t-shirt and mesh shorts rather than body armor. Generally I’m more concerned about twisting my ankle in a pothole than I am with roadside bombs.
President Bush has stated on several occasions that there are no plans on the table for a military draft and that a draft won’t be necessary during his presidency. Of course, President Bush has about as much credibility regarding important things like war and peace as President Clinton did about unimportant things like his personal life. I can imagine President Bush now, with that dumbfounded expression he uses when he wants to express disbelief that anyone might dare question his motives. “How could I have known way back when I made that promise that we would need a draft in order to liberate Syria and defend the American people?” he would say, snickering and shrugging his shoulders. “It’s the evil-doers’ fault that we need a draft, not mine.”
We forget that most generations in the 20th century had drafts, and I’m sure they didn’t see them coming either. I bet our fathers never expected to have to cut their Beatles mop tops and turn them into military crew cuts. It wasn’t until Pearl Harbor that our grandfathers finally realized that they would have to end their jitterbugging lessons, so that they could take up beach-storming. Our great-grandfathers were probably the most surprised of all, as they stroked their novelty mustaches contemplatively while putting on their monocles to get a better look at their draft notices telling them to go fight some slubberdegullion named “The Kaiser.”
Many of us assume we’d find a way to get out of a draft if one is called. I hate to be the one to break this news, but privileged kids would no longer be exempt from seeing combat, since students can now only defer military service until the end of the semester in the event of a draft. Supposedly, this rule will hold true even if your oil baron father is the Ambassador to the U.N. No, draft dodging won’t be as easy this time around as it was during the Vietnam era. Moving to Canada is way too obvious now; I’m sure the President would find a way to “smoke you out.” Obviously the National Guard option won’t work anymore either, so you have to devise a more clever scheme. I recommend a subtler approach than hacking off a limb. If your number comes up and the local draft board asks you if you have any questions, ask them whether the anti-gay marriage law in your respective state will apply overseas and if making out with soldiers in your unit is frowned upon. You can expect a response along the lines of, “We’re concerned that you may not be quite the kind of soldier we’re looking for right now.” At which point, you should start crying uncontrollably. You’ll get that rejection stamp faster than Craig Esherick applying for a job in the NBA.
When the “Choose or Lose” slogan would flash on the air prior to the election, we were less inspired to march to the polls than we were annoyed that our favorite Real World reruns were being preempted. According to the web site for P. Diddy’s political activism organization, Citizen Change, “The same way we would market a Biggie album, a Sean John sweat suit or a Spiderman movie will be the same way we promote the urgency to vote on Election Day.” Yikes. I cannot deny the stylishness of a Sean John sweat suit, but I would argue that its relevance to voting is somewhat limited. The sad fact is that most of us remain ignorant or unconcerned about the possibility that a draft might lie in the future. Our interests will continue to be ignored until the day comes when we feel that our lives really are threatened. Maybe by then it will be too late.
