The Sermon, always a bastion of greater culture, discovered a new love over these past few weeks, and We ain’t talking about Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon for God’s sake. (We’ll see it! We promise!) No, the Sports Sermon has become obsessed with the seedy and exciting world of politics. (https://acatimes.com/)
While Jason Williams puts some sick pass behind-the-back, the Supreme Court goes behind the voters’ backs to stop some hand recounts. Or what about Trent Lott swatting away a nuclear non-proliferation treaty like Kenyon Martin smacks down some lay-up? Then there’s West Virginia’s center spitting on a Notre Dame cheerleader, which is just like Al Gore spitting on the Bush daughters at the Inauguration. No, that second part didn’t really happen.
But anyway, the possibilities are endless, if one actually wastes enough time to sit down and think up some of this stuff.
There are a bevy of new sports clich?s once politics is thrown into the mix. No more Bill Walton-isms ([in a deep gargle]: “Austin Croshere is this team’s leader!”) or post-game locker-room nonsense.
Now it will be more fun.
Ray Lewis on the Steelers’ offense: “Man, they’re O-line was softer than Henry Hyde’s thighs after a double serving of cheescake!” Too gross?
How about Michael Jordan on the Wizards: “Our playoff chances are falling faster than Nasdaq! [MJ then laughs to himself, boards a plane to Phoenix, and fits in a few rounds of golf with Barkley]” No?
There’s more. It’s simile-mania! Darryl Strawberry is about as irresponsible as a Republican Tax Cut. Cherokee Parks’ tatoos are as colorful as Bush’s cabinet. The NHL is whiter than Phil Gramm. Van Exel is hotter than a Branch Davidian compound.
So watch out. The Serm is back with some new ammo, like it or not. We’re gonna stretch things farther than the elastic on A.C. Slater’s jeans. Wait, We’ll hold those Saved by the Bell references until next week.
