Editor’s note: Before you read this, imagine a picture of Jesse Jackson in the middle of this text. In the print edition, there are jokes about it. So you’re not dumb, don’t worry.
Okay. There’s this Japanese magazine that has offered Mariners’ outfielder Ichiro Suzuki $2 million to pose nude. Yep, Ichiro, Sportscenter’s sweetheart.
So, we here at the Serm thought of some other famous athletes you might like to see naked. For instance, how about Yankees coach Don Zimmer? His personality makes up for whatever his body lacks, making for a more well-rounded appeal (Get it? Well-rounded?). Another suggestion is former North Carolina State forward Jeremy “I am the ugliest person to ever live” Hyatt, who would be good for some shock value.
In this era of re-defining women, we need to see some real men. And we don’t mean Abercrombie chumps on the side of shopping bags carried by flaky capri-pant girls on M Street. For instance, the Serm has gotten a bunch of phone calls from its loyal readers requesting nude photos of the Voice sports staff.
So, where Jesse Jackson sits right now, you will next week begin to see a regularly featured Voicer in the buff, standing with his arms akimbo.
We swear this will be really cool, so don’t be too disturbed. After all, would you rather look at all this text or see a handsome young man, clad in a thong. Jesse Jackson will tell you it’s all good. His son is a U.S. Representative.
That fact gives nude photos in the Sermon a grand degree of legitimacy. No where else would this long rant be legitimate. If The Serm’s name was changed to Mobutu, it would still be called legitimate, despite the apparent illegitimacy. Thanks Jesse.
