I had a “productive” summer this year, meaning I had a job and didn’t get to lay on my ass as much as I would have liked. While that may have been good for both my wallet and my ass, it wasn’t good for my MTV watching schedule. So finally, when I returned to Georgetown two weeks ago, I immediately set upon reacquainting myself with the medium. It certainly helps that Hoyanet offers a mighty fine lineup of musical programming. Not only MTV, but get this: MTV2, BET, BET Jazz and something called the College Television Network. Pretty dope, huh? So, I thought I’d take a look at a couple of the more thought-provoking videos I’ve seen in the past weeks.
Since I’m back at college, I thought I’d start with a party jam, specifically Ludacris’ “Area Codes.” It takes a genius to find a way to mention every area code in the country save perhaps western South Dakota. When Ludacris calls out your digits, everyone gets a sudden jolt of civic pride. After all, who doesn’t like a shout out? Example from that party in Burleith you were at Sunday night: “202! YEAH 202! THAT’S US! WOOOOOO! 202’S THA BOMB!”
While civic pride ain’t so bad, the phalanx of bikini-clad women sporting their area codes across their chests ain’t so good. Particularly baffling is that MTV has determined the line, “I got hos, I got ho-os, in different area codes” to be objectionable, therefore replacing “hos” with “pros.” Exactly what kind of pros are we talking about here? Tennis pros? I guess Ludacris is pretty serious about improving his game. Regardless, as far as MTV is concerned, however offensive the word “ho” may be, parading half-naked women reduced to a three-digit number is apparently fine. I guess sexual politics haven’t changed very much since Robert Palmer’s cohort of mini-skirted temptresses.
Now that the “Jackson 5” reunion concert is upon us, the Michael Jackson nostalgia boom has begun. Alient Ant Farm’s cover of the self-proclaimed King of Pop’s “Smooth Criminal” is likely to be the best thing to come out of this trend. Frontman Dryden Mitchell not only knows his moves, but the video is a veritable museum of all things Michael, from split-screen freezes to lighted sidewalks to simian companions.
However quaint, the video transcends nostalgia. First, it’s a hot cover?it plain rocks. Second, it isn’t so much nostalgia as it is an in-joke among the band. After all, this music is being marketed to kids who don’t remember the first thing about Michael Jackson save his rather seamy sexual reputation. I, for one, remember little more firsthand than that disturbing video with all the morphing and his ill-fated marriage to Lisa Marie Presley. So it makes you wonder . . . do the kids five years younger than I am who are buying the album really get the joke? I suspect not, but it’s a phat video, regardless.
But the best video of the summer? It’s a tough call. The contenders are Missy “Misdemeanor” Elliot’s “One Minute Man” and Fatboy Slim’s “Weapon of Choice,” featuring the unexpectedly light feet of Christopher Walken. But in the end, it pains me to say Missy kicks Walken’s ass, hands down. Even better, Missy kicks Ludacris’ misogynistic premature-ejaculating ass. He’s got hos in different area codes? Well, Missy’s got his bitch-ass wherever and whenever she wants it. In the video, Ludacris boasts about his endu- rance, but you know Missy would break the man.
Maybe sexual politics have improved after all?nearly 40 years after the Stones couldn’t get any satisfaction, Missy’s speaking up for all the unsatisfied ladies out there. Not only is “One Minute Man”encouraging for its message, but the video has the best visuals since Outkast took a psychedelic journey through the ghetto in “B.O.B.” There’s just something inspiring about seeing Missy in fatigues, with the likes of Timbaland and Method Man no more than mere eunuchs.
