“He fakes, he drives, he slips?”
Oh yeah, my bad. I forgot that there was a towel and cone there. I should have avoided the huge puddle in the middle of the floor.
Does this experience sound familiar to anyone besides me? Well it might if you like to go and use Georgetown’s pathetic gymnasium, Yates.
Whether it’s playing volleyball in a court made regulation size for oompa-loompas, running on the track while getting bombed by tennis balls from above or wearing your bathing suit to play five on five, Yates has all that one needs to get a fun and life-threatening work out.
No really, I don’t mean to be critical of our gym facilities. Just last week I was having a great workout on the treadmill until I fainted of heat exhaustion. But heat at Yates isn’t really something people should worry about, because they are trying to fix the air conditioning system, it just might take a couple decades. Maybe if were lucky, our grandkids can work out without feeling like they are at the beach. But let’s be serious now, how cool can you expect Yates to be?
It’s built under a hill to conserve space, so there is 400,000 pounds of dirt insulating the place, not to mention leaking in through cracks in the ceiling. A big hand to whoever came up with that brilliant idea. I can just picture it. “Hey look, a big ugly hill, lets build a grossly expensive gym under there that will fall apart and be way to expensive to fix!” What foresight.
Anyway, where were we? Ah yes, talking about the great features of Yates. Don’t you just love jogging on the indoor track? You not only get to work on your quick reaction skills as you dodge basketballs and people walking out of the weight facility, which has a fine selection of equipment from the turn of the century I might add, but you also get to avoid falling peices of the beautiful ceiling, which looks kind of postmodern with its white paint and brown metallic water marks which expand to form some really nice patterns. It truly is a marvel how they designed the ceiling to have pointy slopes that make it perfect for water to run right down from outside and into the gym. It gives that kind of indoor but still outdoor feel. Besides, if you run out of water while working out, you can just open your mouth and get a drop from the wall. Hey if that isn’t architectural genius I don’t know what is! I mean they even left enough room to cover the place with meaningless pipes that serve no purpose and make it look like a factory off the Jersey turnpike.
Oh, but wait, there’s more. If by some chance the basketball courts are full?WHICH THEY NEVER ARE OF COURSE?you can take exercise classes at Yates. That is, provided you get there four hours early as there is only space for 10 people in each one. And if that isn’t enough for you and you just want to get outside then there are several options for your enjoyment. There are the outside courts at McDonough Gymnasium, which is a fabulous facility in itself. At McDonough you can play pick up outdoor basketball almost anytime, provided there isn’t a completely full lot, which never happens. But even if there does happen to be a few scattered cars, you can add in that extra element to your game as you fake out not only your opponents but also a few Isuzus as well.
“Hey that VPS van plays good D, watch out!”
Then after a long day’s workout, you can walk back up to Yates to go and hop in the pool. This facility is probably one of Yates best. The pool itself its Olympic size, if you are a troll. You also get to watch some exciting Ping Pong games going on at the side of the pool. Then if you want some real excitement, you can go into the diving pool, which is even bigger then the real pool and with a diving board that is all of five feet off the water. Now that’s a blast. But watch out when you dive, because the after-school kids?who are much more important to the financial stability of Georgetown than Georgetown students?might be there and they have priority to beat each other senseless with boogie boards before you get in.
Last but not least there is the sauna. Ah, nothing like warming the bones after a good workout and nice swim, just remember, before you get in you have to take off your trunks so that everyone can see how big your package is.
Where do you put your clothes while you’re in the sauna then? Don’t worry, there are perfectly safe lockers that never get robbed all around you for your use. Just remember to throw on that extra pad lock.
Anyway, I think I ‘ve explained why Yates is the best damn work out facility on the East Coast and I’m sick of hearing kids ask where their $25 Yates fee is going. Look at the facilities you have to use!
So the next time you are at Yates, make sure to give something back! Buy some Georgetown gear from the Yates store, I mean its only marked up for three times as much as you could buy it for on eBay. Come on, what is better than giving money to your own gym? Hey, maybe they can pay for the lights on the outdoor track to be on past 7 o’clock at night.
I’m going to Yates!
