Movies can soothe the anguished minds of a people in trouble. After the ‘20s roared by, Americans could pay a quarter to ride on the tails of Fred Astaire or bask in the gaze of Greta Garbo, escaping the dismal reality of the Depression. Recently sobered by shattered illusions of peace and prosperity, and paralyzed by this new awareness, we too are in need of a good laugh. Zoolander provides one or two at the sake of one very legitimate target: the fashion industry.
When Derek Zoolander (Ben Stiller), renowned for his “Blue Steel” stare, rushes up to hug Fabio and accept the Male Model of the Year Award for the fourth year in a row, it is by habit only. Moments earlier, it was not Zoolander whose name Fabio announced, but Hansel (Owen Wilson), the fashion world’s newest darling. Flung into an existential quandry, Zoolander stares into a puddle and asks meekly, “Who am I?” He wonders if there is more to life than being “really, really, really, ridiculously good looking.”
Considering Zoolander’s utter lack of intelligence, this question seem reasonable, if not unanswerable. When asked for an opinion on the Aboriginal belief that a photograph steels a piece of the subject’s soul, he rhetorically asks if there are any “Ambidigonal” models. He narrowly escapes death when his fellow model roommates turn a photogenic water fight into a playful gasoline fight, then into a fateful explosion when one of them lights a cigarette. While delivering their “eugoogly,” (that’s model speak for “eulogy”) he announces his retirement.
The vehicle for the plot, or what enables this absurd parody to plow on for 60 more minutes, is one ‘80s pop star-cum-designer’s villainous plan to assassinate the prime minister of Malaysia. “Malaysia?” you ask, “And what does fashion have to do with politics?” Everything. To be precise, the new prime minister is going to close the sweat shops that sustain so many fashion empires. In fact, the fashion industry has been behind every major political assassination in the past two centuries, one ex-hand-model explains. A simple Pavlovian hypnotization done to fellows like Zoolander has turned models into unknowing assassins. Allied with Mathilda, a model-hating journalist and his ex-competitor, Hansel, Zoolander must prevent the killing he is slated to commit.
Stiller and Wilson play amusing, endearing, but mostly unlikely models. Stiller’s directing skills lag miles behind his comedic talent. The majority of his cast remain shallow and stereotypical, especially Christine Taylor, who plays Mathlida with the inventiveness of a grazing cow. Individuals such as Mr. Ballstein (Jerry Stiller) of Balls Models breathe comedy into the movie just when we think we might asphyxiate from mediocrity. Interactions between these farcical characters who had the potential to inflict a painful belly laugh rarely coaxed more than a chuckle.
Zoolanderunintentionally proves itself to be a cousin of the glamorous MGM classics of eras passed. Like these movies, its only references to reality are the numerous familiar faces. A veritable galaxy including Paris Hilton, Billy Zane and Winona Ryder readily take part in the ridicule of their own celestial ways, stuck like barnacles on the rock of fashion culture. Movies like Funny Faceand Unzippedsatiate those fashionistas hungry for a backstage look. Zoolanderwill satiate those who those who laugh at the word “fashionista,” think of houndstooth as canine and baguettes as edible. It is possible to leave this movie feeling slightly poorer in time, in money and maybe even in brain cells. It will, however, make you laugh and escape for a while into a world less heavy.
