Last year, someone asked me if I was capable of writing a column that didn’t mention gay people. The implicit question was, “Why do I always have to talk about being gay?”
At that point, I had written two columns about gay people, both for the Voices section of the Voice. Since then, I’ve written a few more. I’ll admit that every chance I have to talk about something personal or something important to me, I write about queer people.
I wondered whether I could write a column without mentioning being gay. Was I becoming one of “those” gay people who can’t talk about anything but sex and sexuality? Was I putting myself into a box, where all I became was a gay guy and not all the other things that define who I am? Should I write a column that had nothing to do with sexuality?
All of these questions ran through my head. I worried that I had gone too far. Having done a bit more thinking, I’ve decided that I haven’t gone far enough.
In my mind, silence is the most deadly action.
Every day, people use their voices to loudly proclaim the problems that gay people cause to society. Whether Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson are blaming queers for the destruction of the World Trade Center or whether your best friend says “that’s gay” when she wants to be derogatory, a thousand times a day and in a thousand ways, people use my identity and the identity of millions of others in a negative and destructive way.
So why do I always have to talk about being gay?
Because Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena were media sensations, but their memory has already begun to fade. Queer people, young and old, continue to be victims of crimes ranging from harassment to murder because of their sexuality or their gender status. We still haven’t passed a Hate Crimes Act.
Because I was the best babysitter in my hometown, but in most states I will have a lot of trouble adopting a kid, if I’m allowed to adopt one at all.
Because when I choose to get married, I’ll be lucky if I can get a “civil union” at best. My boyfriend and I have never cheated on each other, but we will have to listen to people tell us we can’t get married because gay people are naturally promiscuous.
Because I can be fired from my job if my boss doesn’t like where I go at night.
Because queer kids are at higher risks for depression, suicide, loneliness and a delayed adolescence through absolutely no fault of their own. And people will blame them for it.
Because my friends have to listen to their friends say things like “that’s so gay” and then convince themselves that the comment really meant something else.
Because many queer students on this campus feel that they can never come out and that there is no one else like them.
Because if my friend moves out of her dorm room because her roommate is openly hostile, she will have to travel from empty space to empty space listening to people come up with excuses for why there is no room for her. But of course, it won’t be because she is a lesbian.
Because gay boys are taught by “liberals” that it’s okay to be gay, it’s just not okay to dress gay, act gay, talk gay, walk gay or stare at straight boys in public the way straight boys stare at girls.
Because if my “partner” gets sick someday, I will need an attorney’s help in order to visit him in the hospital.
Because the only emotional outlet most young, queer teens have is America Online, and because America Online is full of old men who are interested in an outlet of a different kind.
So I’m left with two questions. How can I fix these things in the future? What am I doing to fix them now?
What are you doing to fix any of this? Not sure?
That’s why I have to talk about it.
