Ah, Thanksgiving sports, perhaps the finest institution this country has to offer. Well, aside from John Leguizamo on Broadway and perhaps Celebrity Jeopardy.
Thanksgiving weekend offers a multitude of opportunities: crashing on the couch watching college football, tossing the pigskin in the backyard while diving into leaf piles, bonding with your dad over a mutual hatred of Duke basketball, watching Tony Banks become a Hall of Famer … the possibilities are endless.
Autumnal glee abounds. The Nets are sweet?Jason Kidd and Kenyon Martin are a fantasy basketball owner’s dream. Warren Sapp and the Bucs are poised to make another midseason comeback. The best sporting news, though, was that Nebraska got destroyed this weekend, utterly massacred by Colorado. Chris Brown pushed it up Big Red’s gut for six, SIX, touchdowns to end Nebraska’s Rose Bowl hopes. If every defense in the NFL was like Nebraska’s, the Redskins would be leading the league in offense.
That’s what the Huskers get for practicing over and over against a spread offense, just to get revenge on Oklahoma. Did Frank Solich really think Nate Hybl would drop five TDs on them or something? It’s H-Y-B-L, not H-E-U-P-E-L.
Miami should handle Virginia Tech this week, who are pretty much average. Spoon to the Izzer is going to start up the Washington Chapter of the Larry Coker fan club after this weekend.
So who will join the ‘Canes in a battle for the National Championship? We think it should be Oregon. (Florida has Steve Spurrier, who is the devil, and Texas’ Chris Simms is a pretty boy.) OU’s Joey Harrington billboard should still be overlooking Penn Station in New York, and he should win the Heisman just for the sheer amount of comebacks he has led. They just need to get past Oregon State (“We dropped out of the Top 10, and then the top 50!”) in the Civil War this weekend.
Also pleasing us over break was Ball State, who consecutively vanquished two top 10 squads?Kansas and UCLA?before losing to Duke in the finals of the Maui Invitational. While that was especially fun to watch, Maui is always a feast for the eye: sweaty coaches with bad hair and Hawaiian shirts, the guy who came all the way from Creighton and painted his face only to see his team lose in the first round, Dan Gadzuric …
One thing annoys us, though. Announcers need to stop calling Chaminade an “upstart” or “cinderella.” The last time they won a big game was 1982. They suck. Arizona, however, does not suck. Who would have thought? OK, we’re rambling here. To end, we present a cheer straight from tobacco road to help pump up Matt Dougherty. C’mon, UNC needs it. Ready?
“Duke is puke! Wake is fake! The one we hate is N.C. State! Gooooo Heels!” Yes, likening Duke to vomit. Carry on.
