It’s the time of the year at Georgetown when everyone starts to become irritable. Midterms are in full effect, it’s starting to get cold, and you’ve had enough of your roommates’ dirty dishes in the sink. How do we at the sermon handle our angst? We sublimate our anger onto a famous athlete. Meet our irrational scapegoat of the week?Yankees’ first baseman Jason Giambi.
There are many reasons why Giambi should not exist. Although it would be reason enough that he simply plays for the Yankees, he actually chose to be on their team. This blatant disregard for staying with the small-market little engine that could, the Oakland A’s, shows that he has no respect for the proletariat in a land of too many bourgeoisie?in other words, he is a fascist.
Furthermore, he has little respect for his individuality. While this time last year he was sporting the wet, shaggy, long-haired tortured-soul look and the Walt Whitman-esqe goatee, he shaved it all off and then traded his extensive tattoos for a dark suit to do a deodorant commercial. While he does beat Method Man and Redman for the award in Best Acting in an Aroma-Themed Commercial category, the cost was simply too much. Be your own man, Jason, not a faceless corporate shill.
While there are plenty of athletes that have traded their individuality and integrity for millions of dollars, what really sets us off about Giambi is that he failed to use one penny of all those millions to buy a reasonably good CD or even buy a computer to download quality music. Reading our ESPN the Magazine this weekend, we came across an article about the songs that would appear on Giambi’s dream mix tape. Number one on the list: Jennifer Lopez featuring Ja Rule, “I’m Real.” Giambi’s reasoning: “It’s a fiesta?you’ve gotta get up and dance. A great choice if you’re ready to get up and move it.”
First off, the thought of Giambi “ready to get up and move it” makes us think of a Visigoth putting on antiquated body armor, not dancing. Secondly, the use of the word “fiesta” makes us sure that Giambi has no problem spitting out outdated and unfunny clich?s. Looking over Giambi’s other decidedly bad choices, (see a whole lot more of Rule, Ja) we come to his reasoning for his only semi-solid choice on the list: “Izzo” by Jay-Z: “Why Jay-Z? Take a look at the songs I’ve picked?notice a trend? You might say I’m kind of into hip-hop.”
His pathetic attempt at sarcasm and his claim to be a hip-hop aficionado hurts us beyond belief. Listen to some Del tha Funkee Homosapien, Jason. Then we defy you to tell us that Nelly is still “Hot in Herre.” Get out of the first round in playoff series and then we’ll consider you a winner. And Jason, while you’re at it, clean our goddamn sink.
