IUPUI means something, but we’re not sure what. We are also confused how St. Peter’s was able to lose to Xavier the other night; we figured they’d be friends. We can’t even pronounce Quinnipiac, but somehow they’re playing UConn next week.
Yes, it’s that time of the year again: the beginning of the men’s college basketball season. Blowouts are as frequent as Lakers’ losses. Good teams (see Town, George) play bad teams (see Carolina, Costal) in a simple but effective method to pad their records and allow Mike Sweetney to score 30 points in the first half.
The fact is that the corpse of James Madison has a better chance of beating the Hoyas than the school that the school that they’ll meet next week …
At least the James Madison basketball team is healthy, unlike 99 percent of the starting quarterbacks in the NFL. Do you know the sound of a heart breaking? The city of Philadelphia does. It was the sound of Eagles’ quarterback Donovan McNabb’s ankle when it was snapped by Arizona Cardinals’ Adrian Wilson and LeVar Woods. No one can ever deny that Philly fans have passion: Construction workers buliding the Phillies’ new stadium this week paused when free agent first-baseman Jim Thome visited to put on their “Philadelphia Wants Thome” caps.
Speaking of baseball, an unprecidented event occurred this week when the Marlins traded for pitcher Mike Hampton, then paid $7 million, more than they paid to anyone on their team last year, to trade him to the Braves. It doesn’t take an IUPIU-grad to figure out that that’s not the smartest decision.
And finally, to return to a long standing tradition of the Sermon, we will end this week with predictions. First, in the NFL, Redskins’ Head Coach Steve Spurrier will turn to Stephen Davis to quartback the team so that Davis will stop complaining about a lack of touches. In the NBA, Dallas Mavericks center Shawn Bradley will become so confident in his new-found skills that he will begin to spit Scripture at every player he rejects: “Thou shalt not bring it into my house!” In baseball, the Phillies will sign free-agents Thome, Tom Glavine, David Bell, Frank Thomas, Roger Clemens and Hideki Matsui and then promptly lose every game when they hire Bobby Valentine to manage them. Lastly, our Georgetown Hoyas basketball team will dominate the competition so completely that teams like Norfolk St. won’t even show up.
