Setting: Captain America’s Bar & Caf?, Dublin.
Me: “Excuse me, do you show American football games here?”
Irishman: “American football? No.”
Me: “Do you know anywhere around here where they do?”
Irishman: “Ya, America. Haha!”
As the Irish folk working at Captain America’s had a good laugh at my expense, I was left heartbroken. What am I going to do without football, basketball, March Madness and baseball trade rumors?
I figured there’d be SportsCenter or Fox Sports on TV in this burgeoning economy. But no, nothing—only Manchester United matches and dart tournaments. There is actually a dart league here, and one day I watched the announcer break into tears when an underdog darter shocked the darting community with a come-from-behind win. It was hilarious, and at the same time I was thinking, “Damn these guys would be nasty at Beirut.”
The more time I spend away from American sports, the more empty a man I become. The plethora of terrible European sports on television and the lack of American sports is a painful combination. Trying to follow and enjoy European sports is meaningless. I feel like Kerry Collins touring the O’Doul’s brewery. Lately, I find myself reading literature and taking walks when I’d otherwise be sitting on the couch watching NBA basketball or playoff football. It’s crap I tell you, total crap!
But if I’m going down over here, I’m going down in style. Every other 20-year-old local rocks his David Beckham Manchester United jersey. Well, I’ve got my green and white Hugh Douglas jersey, and while I was sitting in an Internet caf? until 5 a.m. listening to the Falcons-Eagles game, Mr. Hugh Douglas was representin’.
There is a glimmer of hope: My roommates and I discovered a place called the All Sports Cafe nearby. But we were rudely kicked out at midnight Dublin time as the Giants were just about to pull off the second-biggest choke in NFL playoff history. And when it comes down to showing a Kings-Lakers game or an Arsenal-Liverpool match, we Americans are out of luck.
Almost as bad as having one of the greatest playoff games ever turned off with three minutes left is missing out on our Coors Light football commercials. Instead of such classic advertisements, we are subjected to British commentators’ thoughts on American football. Every time their mugs flash on the screen, I get one step closer to throwing my Guinness at them. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned here, it’s that Guinness is far too precious to waste.
Fortunately, my friends and I have been assured that the Super Bowl will be shown in its entirety. Irishfolk-147, na?ve Americans-1. We’ll take any victory we can get over here, however small it is.
But I’ve still missed some great games that you may have taken for granted. To say that I envy you is an understatement. You just don’t realize how great watching a ballgame is until your “telly” is all Euro’d out. Gaelic football, cricket—not my style. Shaquille O’Neal vs. Yao Ming? I need that in my life.
My birthday is coming up in less than a month. If anyone happened to tape the OSU-Miami game, the Cleveland-Pittsburgh game, the Giants-49ers game or the Lakers-Rockets game, could you please send them to me at this address?
P-Money
11 Stephens Lane
Dublin 2
Ireland
Please. I’m here for five more months. I don’t think I can make it without your help.
