There are many reasons why the Bengals should pass on Carson Palmer, first and foremost being that he’s a pretty boy. Second, the Heisman curse is bound to continue for this guy if the Bengals pick him up. Cincinnati is about as good at developing talent as they are at selling tickets, so bringing Carson into the mix is a lose-lose situation. Remember Ki-Jana Carter? Or Akili Smith? Let Carson go to some other lame team.
That said, why the hell would the Bengals coaching staff announce in the middle of February that Jon Kitna will be their starter? That press conference is just about as irrelevant as the 2004 Democratic presidential nominee. Who cares about football, let alone the Bengals, at this time of year? And why, dear God, would you put your faith in Jon Kitna?
As a drunk Reds fan exclaimed to us this summer at Cinergy Field: “KITNA? KITNA?” Yes, Kitna. There is only one solution to the Bengals’ despicable problems—sign Kordell! Think about that running game! Kordell and Corey Dillon. Ohio would never be the same.
Wow, did we just write three whole paragraphs about the Bengals? Sorry.
Moving on, this year’s All-Star bonanza was just that. What more could a clinically obsessed NBA fan hope for? Two overtimes, a Yao alley-oop, Marbury streetball, Kobe choking on a free throw, a near Jordan game-winner, Iverson heroics and Rick Adelman’s hair! The only thing missing was Cuttino Mobley in a velour suit, but he was probably somewhere in the stands keepin’ it real for us.
The highlight of the night had to be the lineup of the gods: Steve Francis leading the point for Kevin Garnett, Tim Duncan, Shaq and Yao! With a frontcourt like that, they may as well have had Orlando Woolridge come out of retirement to play the point. It wouldn’t have mattered. The world as we know it would end.
Mariah Carey continues to be an embarrassment to everyone in the record industry, and she’s now soiled the legendary Jordan introduction (“From NOOORTH Carolina … “) with her high-pitched dolphin squeal. When she sang “Hero” during the Michael Jordan tribute, it was perhaps the lowest point in American pop culture since … well, isn’t the Joe Millionaire finale next week? Yes it is! Go Zora!
