Did you actually pick Xavier to go to the Sweet 16? I mean, whatever, only a retarded person would bet on a three-seed from the Atlantic 10 with the most overrated college player since Andrew DeClerq. But it’s okay. You’re not retarded.
What? You picked Florida over Michigan State? And you picked Louisville, too? Goddammit, you are retarded. Next time, bet on Izzo, study the regular season, and even if your team is Pitino-coached, make sure your bench goes deep.
We won’t even mention that you bet on Conference USA this year. That’s just ugly, son. Reece Gaines does not a title make. But don’t worry. There’s plenty of hoops action still to come, and we’re here to help you drop your bookie and make some real cash.
(Note: If your name is Ryan Maynard or Mike DeBonis, don’t bother reading on. You’re the only people in three states to pick Purdue out of the first round. Props.)
First, bet on the Big East. Pitt is deeper, tougher and more versatile than Marquette. Shut down Wade and Deiner, and you’ll leave Tom Crean in a puddle of his own urine. Also, Syracuse is coming off a big win and, well, they’re playing Auburn. Easy win for ‘Melo.
Finally, UConn has too many weapons for Texas. T.J. Ford has to play well, and watching him try to drive the lane on Okafor will just be comic. The pressure is off for the Huskies and Rick Barnes sucks in the postseason. Next year, T.J., next year …
Kansas will advance past Duke if they can shut down the Blue Devils’ outside game and exploit the paint. Casey Sanders is a joke in the middle.
Maryland is hot, as we all know. On my death bed I will utter only the words, “Drew Nicholas. Splash.” Final Four.
As for Oklahoma and Arizona, we said it in the postseason and we’ll say it again: “Move bitch, get out da way!”
