“Is Lavar jealous that he cant play offense. Is he jealous that he can’t get right. Tell ‘Cant Get Right’ that his plate is full. It’s a little bit too much to take me on”-Tampa bay DE Warren Sapp
Warren sure does love to lay the smack down. Redskins fans can’t be happy with that. But there’s some bigger fish to fry these days. Lavar and Warren will have to wait ‘til Sunday.
Listen, I know it’s your job to give midterms, but seriously, your killing me, smalls!
Peyton Manning leads the greatest under five-minute comeback in history against the best defense in history, and the Sermon missed it because we were in the librizzle. Sammy Sosa caused a mini-earthquake when his bottom of the ninth, two-out, first-ever post-season home run landed on Waveland Avenue, and we got to feel none of those goosebumps.
So that’s it, we’re sorry. You’re a teacher, but we’re die-hard sports fans. We understand that you have a job to do, but so do we. We were put on this earth to enjoy such great events in human life, not to be trapped in a scratched-up cubicle trying to figure out the “look left, look right” joke.
Red Sox fans, we’re not too happy with you either. You’ve let your core group of die-hards be over run by hundreds of fake fans. You can’t walk anywhere without seeing 10 to 20 brand-new Red Sox hats. You deserve a shame on you-Booo!
Phil Jackson, we’re not happy with you either. Why can’t you let MJ enjoy his golf game? Why do you have to start rumors by bringing up the thought of MJ in a Lakers jersey? Shaq’s playing for seven more years, you’ve got nothing to worry about.
On the other hand, we are happy with recently arrested Allan Eric Carlson of Glendale, Ca. This hell of a Phillies fan hacked into hundreds of computers and used the e-mail accounts of many important sports writers and officials in the Philadelphia area to send massive spam mail to the Phillies organization complaining about their management.
So when the Phillies are in NLCS next year, with Miguel Tejada at shortstop and Billy Wagner closing games, don’t try to pull any of this october enlightenment crap, or Mr. Carlson and the spam-a-fake-fan brigade is coming after your inbox.
