The first lesson I learned during my trip to the Islamic Republic of Iran this winter was that it is impossible to find a real mocha in Tehran. Secondly, one should not spark a political conversation in a university, especially when a student basij spy is around the corner. Thirdly, do not argue about whether or not your Islamic dress is proper-if they tell you it’s not, it’s not. Fourthly, there is a fantastic McDonalds in Tehran, but your fries come with a moral guidance police officer and a photograph of Khomeini. And finally, Iran Air flights are guaranteed to be delayed, every time.
Despite these frustrating but valuable experiences, I thankfully was able to board my Iran Air flight (which, of course, was delayed for three hours) bound for London’s Heathrow Airport where I was “randomly” selected at the United Airlines gate for a security check. Randomly, of course.
Essentially, I am blessed and cursed with dual nationality. In the eyes of American friends, I represent Iran, and in the eyes of Iranians, I represent the U.S. Of course, my citizenships make me fully liable for the actions of my governments, since both the Iranian and American people have democratically elected their respective regimes.
On my trip I learned, however, an even more insightful lesson: US-Iranian relations can continue to improve if we eradicate ignorance on both ends. As an Iranian-American of dual nationality, I am painfully aware of the erroneous perceptions Iranians and Americans hold of each other. Any American who has traveled abroad has experienced the feeling of being the resented American, and any Iranian in the U.S. has been erroneously labeled a terrorist at one point in his or her life.
On a more serious note, I think relations between Iran and the United States cannot improve until we get these things straight. There are larger problems, of course, like terrorism, weapons of mass destruction and human rights issues on one end, and the idea that “America is responsible for all our problems today” issue on the other. But all of these issues are rooted in false demonization, misunderstanding, and most often, plain ignorance.
To highlight my frustration with my dual nationality and the misguided conceptions I witness in both countries, I have provided some highly amusing questions that Americans often ask me about Iran and Iranians often ask me about the U.S.
Iranian: Hey, you’re American? Hook me up. How can I get a green card?
My answer: After or before Sept. 11?
Iranian: So does Bush really eat babies?
My answer: No, but apparently he likes bologna sandwiches and cheetos.
Iranian: Is it true that all Americans are on Ecstasy?
My answer: No. But you do know that Iran has the highest drug abuse rate in the world, right?
Iranian: So when is your President going to attack us? Isn’t it our turn next? And what are you guys going to do this time to reform our government?
My answer: What are you going to do to reform your government?
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American: So is it really hot and sandy there? Like do you guys ride around on camels?
My answer: No, Iran has four seasons and it is very diverse geographically. I’ve never seen a camel in Iran, but we do have vehicles, most of which are produced domestically.
American: Isn’t it dangerous to go to Iran if you are an American?
My answer: Not if you stay out of trouble, follow the common rules, aren’t on the black list and have money (or American cigarettes) to bribe the pasdran (Revolutionary Guard).
American: Oh you’re from Iran? I’m really interested in the Arab world.
My answer: We are not Arab. We are Persian (51%), Azeri Turkish (24%), Mazandarani (8%), Kurdish (7%), Arab (3%) Baluchi (2%), Turkomen (2%) and Lur (2%). Our national language is Persian/Parsi/Farsi, which is Indo-European. Maybe you mean Muslim world? In that case, the majority of the country today is Shiite-Muslim, but there are Sunni Muslims, Jews, Christians, Zoroastrians and Bahais as well.
American: Do you have to wear a burqa in Iran?
My answer: <
To summarize:
(1) The citizens of Iran do not ride camels to work.
(2) The American people are not cold and heartless, but civilized people who are often fooled into joining the NRA and supporting an ideological war with fictitious enemies.
(3) Finally, politics are warped in every corner of the world, be it when governments force Jewish / Bahai / Christian / Zoroastrian Iranians to be good Shiite Muslims, or when cowboys tell the world that you either eat bologna sandwiches, or babies.
Maryam Iman is a sophomore in the School of Foreign Service and founder of Georgetown’s chapter of the Iranian Student Alliance in America (ISAA). She prefers neither bologna sandwiches nor babies.
