Once again, the time has come to register for classes. Most people pretend that they choose their classes for their academic value, challenging topics, famous professors or utility. Others, like me, will admit that although these concepts linger in the back of their minds, in truth, their registration choices are largely driven by an innate laziness. If you are one of those people who will be interning at the White House this summer while taking an extra course or two, you might as well stop reading this now. But if, like me, you won’t be caught dead near anything even resembling a classroom for the next three months, then you might benefit from my guide to getting a Georgetown degree with minimal effort.
First of all, no classes that start before 10 a.m. If you think this statement needs further explanation, then you’re definitely sleep-deprived and have your priorities muddled. Do not take any languages before 11 a.m. It will be unpleasant for all involved. Most people can’t even speak English properly before noon, so don’t push your luck with a foreign tongue. Secondly, no classes that end after sunset, including during daylight savings time. Take special note of where each class session is held. If possible, choose classes that meet in the same building, for easy access and minimum physical exertion.
When it comes to professors, thefirst factor to consider is obviously whatever you’ve heard from your friends regarding the individual. If you have not heard anything about the particular professor listed you might also want to take into consideration the number of sections that he/she will be teaching. The more the merrier, because this means that there will be more chances of being able to attend a similar lecture whenever you happen to miss class. More importantly, there are more chances of one of your friends attending a similar lecture with the professor, in which case you can borrow their notes, or even take turns attending lectures and reporting back.
If possible, read a copy of the syllabus from previous semesters. Skim through the actual topics and pay close attention to the requested reading list. If there are more than seven titles on the list, move on. Make sure not to take more than three 75 minute classes per day. Although there’s no official research on the matter, I think it’s safe to say that it can’t be healthy.
Even if you manage to stick to this essential decision-making process, you will always encounter some classes that you must enroll in. These classes always seem to be offered at the most inconvenient hours and remote locations (for instance, at 8:50 a.m. on the fourth floor of Walsh). If possible, make these lectures either the very first class or the very last class of the day. That way, you can make a conscious decision to skip them with out interrupting the rest of your day.
Discussion sessions, unfortunately, tend to be “compulsory” and depend upon a certain number of readings and reactions to those readings. One word: Sparknotes. If Sparknotes doesn’t have a particular book’s summary, either a) Read the preface by some snobby scholar who will certainly give the whole book’s plot away, b) read the very beginning, certain random passages in the middle, and the conclusion and comment on those or c) don’t read the book at all: wait until one of your classmates makes a comment that might seem the least bit non-pluralistic, and then refute it in an indignant tone of voice.
Always keep in mind that procrastination is an amazing catalyst for eventual inspiration (at 3 a.m. before the paper is due) and don’t feel too guilty about missing class. I mean, why go if you’re feeling tired? It’s even worse if you fall asleep during class, so save your professor and classmates the hassle. Be polite and stay in bed.
I know what you’re thinking. It’s insane to waste a $40,000 a year education by being a bum. But think about it: No matter how hard you work and how many classes you take, there is no way in hell that $120,000 is a reasonable price for four years at college. If you’re being overcharged to begin with, you might as well enjoy your time while you’re here, and get your money’s worth. Live it up while you still can. And remember, as a wise athlete once said, “D is for diploma.”
Iris Figueroa is a first-year in the School of Foreign Service. She is currently in a downward spiral of drug abuse and low self-esteem brought on by her 15 minutes of fame in The Voice.
