Climb down the Exorcist steps. Take a romantic stroll around the monuments by moonlight. Climb the John Carroll statue. Eat a Chicken Madness. If you don’t complete these activities, along with dozens of other cliched tasks, you are not a true Hoya. In fact, you may even be a terrorist. Sound familiar?
If you’re a first-year and no one’s told you to accomplish these feats yet, you either can’t read or don’t have ears. Well, maybe not so fast. We here at The Voice say, fall down the exorcist steps if you want-it requires far less energy. Romantic stroll? Slow down there, Mario Lopez. Don’t even worry about climbing the John Carroll statue. As far as we know, that guy has been dead for at least 25 years. Plus, scaling the Washington Monument provides a much bigger rush. And regarding the Chicken Madness, what can we say? It is a damn good sandwich, and you probably should eat more than just one.
Certain despots and campus newspapers of record would have you believe that your Georgetown experience is merely a checklist of things you must do before you graduate. Their aim is to inspire you to complete these tasks by making you feel guilty for not having done so. They often succeed. Perhaps this success is due to the fact that we live in a culture that celebrates its lists more than any other documents. Don’t get us wrong, lists have an important place within the grand national debate. Our society truly won’t move forward until Rolling Stone admits that “Pet Sounds,” while undeniably influential, is simply not the second greatest album of all time. And don’t even get us started on the Greatest Female Rockers list, which everyone knows was rigged by Janis Joplin’s ghost. But that’s neither here nor there. The fact of the matter remains: Once you allow a list to run your life, you no longer have a life worth living.
Of course, as a new student here, you are bound to have questions, and where else can you go to find answers besides these lists? These queries might include: “Why hasn’t anyone cleaned up the three-week old vomit on my New South floor?” Or, “Why does our campus grocery store stock nine different types of trail mix, but is unable to find room for condoms. On these two questions, we’ve decided to help you out ourselves. First, we hate to break it to you, but no one ever will clean up that vomit, and we’d be more concerned with the toilet seats. Allow us to answer the second question with another two questions. What’s wrong with a little trail mix variety? Furthermore, don’t you know that premarital sex is not considered cool here? If you do think its cool, maybe you should have gone to GW.
In truth, your best moments at Georgetown will not be found on any list at all. The times you’ll remember the most are going to be the spontaneous ones. There is an infrastructure here that facilitates ridiculously memorable occurrences. Think about it. Any time you have 6,000 18- to 22-year-olds in the best neighborhood of one of the greatest cities on earth, good things are bound to happen. They’ll come to you, whether you seek them or not. You think Bill Clinton ever followed any of these lists when he was a first-year here? No, he was too busy wailing on his saxophone and devising schemes to usher in the economic boom of the mid-90’s. And do you really believe that Patrick Ewing ever found the time to swim in Dahlgren fountain? Of course not, he was focused on winning ball games and being taller than God.
The fact of the matter is that you will probably end up doing most of the things on these lists without even trying. It’s kind of hard not to learn the words to the fight song when that rowdy kid down the hall sings it to your entire floor every time he gets bombed. By the way, do not become such a person.
So, by now, you’re probably wondering, isn’t telling us not to follow other people’s advice, advice in itself. You got us, smarty. You’ll have no problem passing the Map of the Modern World exam. I guess what we’re trying to say is this: Don’t follow people’s advice, unless they’re us.
Scott Conroy is a senior in the College and Voices Editor of the Georgetown Voice. David Waytz is a senior in the School of Foreign Service. Hey guys, friends forever?
