There is no sound that brings greater joy to my heart than the crisp “zip” of corduroy-clad thighs rubbing merrily against each other as they make their way down snow-filled streets. The rustle of a wool crepe coat, the swish of a lambs wool scarf jauntily arranged about a toasty neck and the smart clip of a buttery leather boot are music to my ears. These sounds usher in the winter season, a magical three months filled with sledding, good cheer, and according to statistics, lots of baby-making.
Sadly, this year, the chorus of corduroy has been noticeably silent, and the arctic styles I favor have been replaced by flimsy dresses made from such soundless fabrics as cotton and breezy organza. This bizarre and disturbing trend of seasonal confusion is a result of global warming, a phenomenon that evilly chose to manifest itself smack in the middle of the holiday season, ruining my hopes for a snowy Norman Rockwell Christmas and jolting me into the reality that climate change is as real a beast as Nancy Pelosi’s plastic surgeon.
Like flossing, global warming has always remained a low priority for me.
I knew I should take both more seriously, but other than gingivitis and eventual melting of the polar ice caps, (both unlikely scenarios, I assured myself) my incentives towards action were non-existent. Along with the whole sun burning out conundrum, I figured that the effects of global warming would be a problem that I would leave to my children, much like bequeathing the obligatory heirloom ring or antique Waterford.
But this Christmas changed it all for me. From November on I waited with bated breath for the first snows to appear on the banks of the muddy Potomac. I checked the weather compulsively and attempted to divine the probability of snowy precipitation from the gray skies above. All I got was rain, which was fine, because I was sure that blizzards galore would greet me upon my arrival home.
Instead, I was welcomed back to the heartland with balmy temperatures and green grass to match the wreaths adorning sun-dappled doors. I’m a traditionalist; I like my pies apple, my jeans boot-cut and my Christmases white. Winter winds are a necessary antidote to the frivolity of summer; they build character and allow for copious consumption of medicinal whisky.
Mr. Bush, though he bills himself as a president of the people, can’t feel my pain on this one. As renegade as Texans and their state are, they have no idea what they are missing when it comes to snow and the chilly Narnian magic of a northern winter. This may explain why the Bush administration isn’t as worried about global warming as all those hippies from Vermont are. Yes, they eat soy ice cream and smoke their hand-woven placemats when nothing else is available, but when it comes to the environment, these guys know their stuff.
The recent climate changes have garnered much-needed attention for conservationist causes that have been neglected during much of the last seven years. Indeed, headlining Greenpeace’s U.S. web site is news of the placement of polar bears onto the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service’s list of threatened species in late Dec. 2006 due to the melting of the arctic habitat of the bears. At the current rate of warming, polar bears could experience totally ice-free summers by 2050 and, worst of all, may choose to drop their Coca Cola endorsement plan.
According to Greenpeace, this victory for the polar bears is critical because it marks an official recognition by the U.S. government that global warming is indeed taking place. President Bush, on the other hand, is having a harder time grappling with the concept. In an interview with People magazine in July 2006, Bush tackled the question of global warming amidst a flurry of hard-hitting questions about his work-out habits and favorite birthday gifts. On the topic of climate change he stated, “I think there is a debate about whether it’s caused by mankind or whether it’s caused naturally.” Although he is the “decider” I’m inclined to say that this one isn’t actually up for debate, and that trying to pawn off global warming as a natural occurrence is akin to a naughty child pegging the blame for smoking mommy’s Marlboros onto his drooling baby brother.
Though Bush says he is in the process of solving the debate on global warming, the task may be too great for one man, even the liberator of Iraq. What is needed is an overarching change in the attitudes of people towards the environment, and, dare I say it, a few more Al Gores to get us riled up. The 2007 North American International Car Show taking place this month in Detroit may seem like an unlikely place for an environmental revolution, but take heed. At this exhibition, Ford will unveil an innovative electric car that includes a backup gasoline system for emergency use. Most people scoff at electrics, but this one could actually be feasible; all it needs is a little support from the American public. Rather than plopping down the Benjamins for a new Volvo, why not give the men up in Michigan a vote of confidence and try to stem the hemorrhaging of air pollution? It’s not going to solve the greater issue of global warming, but its somewhere to start. With any luck, by this time next year we’ll all be navigating massive snow-banks, ski pants swishing as we make our way towards our reliable new American-made electric cars. Hey, a girl can dream.
