Like most college students, I don’t really date. All of the pseudo-relationships that I’ve had here evolved from means other than going to dinner and a movie. Recently, after a few disappointing romantic ventures, I decided to try the conventional method of dating. I met a girl at a party one Friday, and asked her out for the following Saturday. I feared that such a situation would be awkward, filled with painful silences, but to my surprise, the date was quite pleasant.
As we were walking back to campus, I used the tired move of asking if she wanted to come to my room to watch a movie. She accepted my offer, and we went upstairs. Halfway through the movie, I clumsily rotated my body and kissed her. She was into it, and we engaged in some intense, if standard, foreplay.
After about twenty minutes, it became clear that we were on course to progress to the next level. Then something strange happened to me: I started to think about my past romantic failures. They all began with some sort of a hook-up, which immediately lead to an uncomfortable morning and eventually lead to hurt feelings over different expectations. Looking at her, I realized that I was already fond of her and I wanted to avoid the same problems. It occurred to me that those problems might have been caused by rushing into sex. Maybe those lessons about sex from “Boy Meets World” episodes were actually true.
I pulled back for a second, kissed her on the forehead, and sighed. “I can’t believe I’m about to say this,” I began. “But I really like you, and I think that maybe we should wait.” She laughed softly, clearly thinking that I was making a joke. I laughed and said, “No, seriously. I think it’s for the best.”
It was difficult to gauge her reaction. She definitely wanted to appear comfortable, but I could sense some confusion and embarrassment. Then she rolled on her side and was asleep a few minutes later. I did not fall asleep so easily, as I was still stirred up. She was fairly quiet the next morning when we woke up, but she was quiet by nature so I didn’t think much of it. She left at around 11; I kissed her goodbye and told her that I would call her. When she was gone, I reflected on the previous night and smiled. I was happy with how the night went.
A day later, I called her and she didn’t answer. She sent me a text message a couple days after that, apologizing for missing my call. “Reasonable,” I thought. “People are busy.” I sent her a text message back, which received no reply. I called a couple more times later in the week and again got no reply. By the end of the week, I realized that she wasn’t that busy, and she just wasn’t that into me.
I obviously can’t be sure that my denial of sex caused this short fling to end. Maybe she was seeing someone else. Maybe she didn’t want anything serious. Maybe she thought I was a bad kisser. However, I still believe that my act of abstinence is what killed this romance. By trying to avoid the pitfalls that I had experienced in the past, I ruined a chance with someone who seemed great. Now I know never to try “taking things slow” again.
