It’s the spring semester at Georgetown, and Yates is full. And by full, I mean packed. And by packed, I mean two to a treadmill, muscle-bound bruisers sharing dumbbells, and ballers playing ten-on-ten basketball. Half court. Go up for a rebound, and you might come down on stretching yogini.
Yates is always crowded. It goes without saying that a school as big and as fitness-obsessed as Georgetown needs a bigger and better-equipped gym for its general student body as well as for its athletes. In the first few weeks of spring term, however, Yates fills up like Charles Barkley at a Denny’s breakfast buffet. Why? I think we can blame the surplus of runners and meatheads on three circumstances particular to this time of year.
First: Christmas fat. If you’re like me, you go home and you can’t help but gorge yourself on the sugarless cookies, the fat-free eggnog, arugula, and Tofurkey dinner drenched in vegetarian gravy served up by your loving, but suddenly health-conscious, mother. If you’re like most people… let’s just say there’s a reason Santa stocks up on pajama bottoms. Many Georgetown girls rush to the gym to drop that weight before they run into their Holiday Gala dates. Those dates also happen to be at the gym trying to copy the exercises performed by bigger, more athletic-looking persons in hopes of making themselves bigger and more athletic-looking before they run into the aforementioned ladies.
Second: free time. The first week of every term sees a lot of syllabi handed out but few assignments handed in, and since the concept of leisure is lost on most of Georgetown’s endlessly self-improving student body, the gym is the most likely outlet for all of that pent-up energy, the other option being frustrated by the university’s refusal to sell birth control and the long cold walk to CVS. (And the Christmas fat outlined above.)
Third, and most importantly: Spring Break. I know what you’re thinking: Spring Break isn’t until March 6! I have plenty of time to tone and pre-tan! Not so. The true Spring Breaker knows that Break preparation never stops, not if you want to form a lasting and meaningful relationship with a communications major from UC Santa Cruz. (This, coincidentally, is a direct cause of the proliferation of undersized Señor Frog’s t-shirts that will start to make an appearance mid-March. Eight days of Corona Extras and bean chimichangas do wonders for the figure.) You can tell the Spring Breakers by the type of exercises they’re doing: curls for girls, gluties for cuties, crunches for bunches (of cute girls). The true Spring Breaker makes use of all of these.
All in all, the early spring semester wave at Yates proves that the University needs to provide better, or at least more, workout equipment for its student body. Chances are, if you look like a Christmas cherub, are bored, or are just preparing for a wet t-shirt contest, you’ve been to the gym this week. Please stop. You’re cramping my style.
Go get hot and sweaty with Jeff at jgb39@georgetown.edu
