This Wednesday, dear freshmen, will be your first day of college classes ever. Totally exciting, I know. Aside from athletes and legacies (kidding!), it’s assumed that you all have the SAT scores, experience with leadership-oriented extracurriculars, the intellectual vigor to thrive during the four years of challenging academics that await. You jumped through the right hoops, and you made it. Congratulations.
Before you assume your place on this shining Hilltop, however, you’ve got to learn to dress the part.
Some things you will no doubt figure out on your own. For example, Georgetown’s old cobblestone walkways will ruin your Jimmy Choos and leave you sporting a Tiny Tim on your next night out. While everybody wants to look good, odds are that you and your freshman herd will be doing a lot of walking this year. Try to keep it practical.
Once you actually get to class, a few judgemental glances from classmates will clue you in that your obnoxiously smelly Rainbows are best left for the beach. And when no one on the basketball team makes friends with you, you’ll learn not to wear sweatshirts from schools other than Georgetown. However, some freshman fashion faux pas require special attention.
Take it from Jerry Seinfeld: sweatpants are meant for the gym. Worn elsewhere, they send a clear signal: “I give up, I can’t compete in normal society, I’m miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.” Well said, Jerry!
Showing up for class like you just rolled out of bed (even if you did) tells others you value those 50-grand-a-year classes so little that you can’t even throw on a pair of jeans.
Now a flashy pair of zebra-striped Zubaz, on the other hand, are perfectly acceptable. I think we can all agree that Zubaz are the tuxedo of the sweatpants world.
Before you get too carried away with the zebra print, however, something that never slides at college is dressing like Snooki – the huge hoops, micro-miniskirts and cut-too-low tops are all pretty awful. If you haven’t figured it out by now, Georgetown’s got so many kids from Jersey because they want to get away from Jersey Shore. And why would you want to dress yourself like the butt of every bad pop culture joke of the last year?
In the same vein, gents, try not to sport baseball hats in class and avoid Ed Hardy like the plague. While you’re usually allowed to wear that Mets hat in Macro, and the Holy See will not send you to the Inquisition for wearing a black ribbed tank-top in Problem of God, its just inconsiderate and will make a bad impression on your classmates. And the dragon fighting the lion on your fitted t-shirt isn’t as cool as you think.
But you knew all that didn’t you? After all, you just wore that Nova sweatshirt for the car ride down, and it won’t see the light of day once you arrive on campus.
In a short while, you’ll be spending long nights studying in the stacks at Lau, and even longer nights tripping over those pesky uneven brick sidewalks on your stumbling walks back from Tuscany. The next morning you’ll roll over, drag yourself Leo’s, and do it all again the next weekend.
In other words, you’ll be just like us, true blue-blooded Georgetown students.
Want more? Ask Keenan about your Ugg boots and denim shorts at ktimko@georgetownvoice.com
