This week, everyone needs to take a break from Mad Men and remember back to the real Golden Age of television—the 1990s. Full House, Boy Meets World, and Street Sharks were at our slimy seven-year-old fingertips, and we didn’t even know how good we had it. You may not recognize those first two shows, as they are often cited as irrelevant, but you are certain to recognize the third. Ah yes, Street Sharks, the one and only show about the crime-fighting mutant shark-men.
“Action cartoon Street Sharks, which aired from 1994 to 1995 and managed three seasons, though short-lived, was and is perhaps the most influential television show on American current affairs, both culturally and politically,” said Dr. Fissure Fishburn, a renowed selachimorphapologist and one of the few academics working specifically on the study of American shark culture.
Not since the 1960s have a group of four young men influenced an entire cultural tide; not since the Founding Fathers have a group of four young men made such an splash on the political sea of America. The Street Sharks do have a particularly well-known and heavily studied cast member, who goes by the name of Jab. Jab is believed widely by scholars to be Newt Gingrich’s biggest influence as Speaker of the House during the Clinton Administration, due to his incredible hardheadedness (Jab is, fittingly, a hammerhead shark). However, Jab is not the only major influence on American culture and politics.
“The concept of ‘cool’ was restricted to Johnny Depp and John Cusack, until the Street Sharks came along and took America by tsunami,” Dr. Fishburn said. “One of the four brothers of the show, Streex, completely replaced the concept of cool. He basically defined the modern cool-type, one of pure bad-assery and drum-playing.”
Another shark brother, Big Slammu, saved a whole generation of football players from fading into the abyss, once again making it okay to be a giant dimwitted wrecking-ball. The last brother, Ripster, had an entirely different effect than the other brothers. Though 1975 B-movie Jaws is often cited as the primary cause of the common American fear of sharks, few know that this was actually Ripster’s doing. He was the smartest of the brothers, and an avid pool player, strengthening America’s collective fears of knowledge and billiards.
Despite its overwhelming influence, the show did not last long for one primary reason: if the show were to keep going, all of the other shows on television would fail. The only show that anyone watched during Street Sharks’ three-season run was Street Sharks—why else do you think there was no recorded Super Bowl winner for the years 1994 and 1995?
Ripster was my favorite, be it because he was the leader of the brothers or because he was half Great White, and I miss this show a great deal. So much, in fact, that I have taken semi-comfort in watching the available episodes on Netflix for when I am feeling nostalgic…just imagine if a movie were made for these finned heroes?
Just hopefully that damnable Michael Bay wouldn’t be involved in it as he is already aiming to alienate, no pun intended, the heroes in a half-shell from their fanbase.