Let’s meet the cast of The Cabin in the Woods: there’s Dana (Kristen Connolly), a moderately attractive college student waiting to be deflowered by the right guy, and her best friend Jules (Anna Hutchinson), a more experienced blonde who is being courted by football stud Curt Vaughan (Chris Hemsworth). Accompanied by conspiracy-theory pothead Marty (Franz Kranz) and not-so-stupid jock Holden (Jesse Williams), they go to Curt’s cousin’s cabin in a setting that looks straight out of a hick-infested History Channel. Sounds like a classic horror movie setup, right?
Well, yes, but let’s not get ahead of ourselves. There is very little that can be said about The Cabin in the Woods without spoiling anything, but I can tell you this—creator Joss Whedon (of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fame) has pieced together a film that, despite its scary pretenses, transcends the horror genre. Cabin contains too much comedy, too much metaphysics, and too much social commentary to carry the label of a simple horror movie, but as soon as viewers are willing to accept this minor setback, they will reap boundless rewards from the satirical gem.
The film proves a little too self-aware to be a standard tongue-in-cheek horror movie; within the first five minutes, a subplot is unleashed, hinting that Cabin may be going for more than the shrieks and laughter evoked by horror-comedies like Scream. Unfortunately, an unspoken oath has been reached by film critics everywhere to avoid spoiling this subplot at all costs. If you’re trying to guess it yourself, don’t bother—if you can come up with this, then nothing in life surprises you and you lead a sad existence. Which is really too bad, because Cabin’s rebellion against clichés is as refreshing as it is surprising, funny, and mind-bending. The least applicable word associated with this movie is, ironically, “scary”—aside from a few peek-through-your-finger buildups, the “frightening” scenes are oozing with kitschy, Kill Bill– style gore.
It may sound like I’m pitching this movie to you, but the critic’s code of secrecy must be honored. Trust me, the movie spelled out the punishments for plot spoilers. But it’s your lucky day, reader, as I’ve finally summoned enough courage to give you a taste of the meta-plot. Have you ever seen Step Brothers? You know the dad in that movie, played by Richard Jenkins? What if I were to tell you that he and Bradley Whitford, the infamous portrayer of Billy Madison antagonist Eric, gave the most irresistible performances of the year? Where they fit into the story is up to you to find out.
If you’re not drooling by now, then clearly Cabin is not your cup of tea. However, if you’re a die-hard Evil Dead fan, or if genre-mockers like Airplane and Shaun of the Dead make your lips quiver, Whedon has cooked up a wild, nonsensical remedy to your eclectic movie appetite’s woes. Oh, and one more thing—did I mention there’s a cameo from an actor or actress who starred in a classic horror movie (if it can be called a horror movie) near The Cabin in the Wood’s skull-wrenching climax? No? In that case, just see the goddamn movie already.
