Imagine this- you walk into Chipotle and confidently place your order. The worker gives you the biggest scoop of chicken you’ve ever seen, and the cashier hands you a water cup knowing full well that you’re going to fill it up with Coke. You snag an open table and carefully unwrap your burrito, barely able to stop yourself from eating right through the tin foil.
Alas, the Chipotle you’ve craved since last Tuesday is finally yours, in all its tasty glory. You finally take a bite…
It’s terrible.
The chicken tastes like it came from the bottom of the bin, the salsa like it has been sitting for over three hours. Horrified, you take another bite.
Even worse.
Now imagine that you’re the General Manager of an NBA franchise. But instead of a $10 Chipotle meal, your disappointment is rooted in a multi-million dollar prospect.
While you may think that nothing can be worse than a sub-par Chipotle run, I promise that the failure of a draft pick to fulfill expectations is far worse. Not only does this draft pick demand millions upon millions of dollars in salary, but he also carries with him the hopes of an entire franchise. Although some teams are lucky enough to find a diamond in the rough (every San Antonio Spurs draft pick ever), others are left scratching their heads and wondering what could have been (yes, Portland, I am looking at you).
With that in mind let us examine the most disappointing burritos (players) since Chipotle opened in 1993.
Greg Oden: 2007, 1st Overall (Portland Trailblazers)
If you’re new to the NBA, or have just completely forgotten about him, Greg Oden was indeed the first pick in 2007. To be fair, Oden was clearly one of the top two prospects in the draft, alongside Kevin Durant. Unfortunately for the Blazers, Oden missed his entire rookie season after undergoing microfracture knee surgery. He played just 82 total games in his tenure with the Blazers. That other guy, Kevin Durant, ended up being the MVP in 2014.
Joe Alexander: 2008, 8th Overall (Milwaukee Bucks)
The West Virginia product was extremely successful during his college career: he averaged 17 points, 6.4 rebounds, and 2.4 assists during his final college season. His combination of 6’8” size and his ability to put the ball of the floor made him an incredibly attractive prospect. The Bucks took Alexander with the eighth overall pick, but he never developed as they hoped he would. He lasted just two seasons in the NBA, and never started a game.
Notable Players Drafted After: Roy Hibbert, DeAndre Jordan, Brook Lopez
Hasheem Thabeet: 2009, 2nd Overall (Memphis Grizzlies)
Thabeet seemed like the perfect pick at the time for the Grizzlies. Their starting lineup was solidified with Mike Conley, OJ Mayo, Rudy Gay, Zach Randolph, and Marc Gasol. The Grizz took a chance on Thabeet hoping he could develop and offer them a solid big-man off the bench. He’s averaged just 2.2 points and 2.7 rebounds for his career. Not quite what Memphis had in mind when they drafted him.
Notable Players Drafted After: Stephen Curry (2015 MVP), James Harden (2015 MVP runner-up)
Shawn Bradley: 1993, 2nd Overall (Philadelphia 76ers)
Bradley is probably the lankiest player to ever make an appearance in the NBA. At 7’6” he was believed to be the possible defensive anchor for the team lucky enough to draft him. That lucky team was Philadelphia. Bradley was not terrible compared to other players on this list by any means. It’s just unfortunate that his career will be remembered by how many times he’s been dunked on, rather than by his own playing ability.
Adam Morrison: 2006, 3rd Overall (Charlotte Bobcats)
Morrison was a prolific scorer during his time at Gonzaga. He averaged 28 points per game in his junior season, and was the first draft pick the Bobcats made with Michael Jordan at the helm of the organization. After averaging 12 points in his rookie season, Morrison tore his ACL in the preseason of the next year, and never regained his scoring touch. He did, however, win two rings with the Lakers while riding the bench.
So keep in mind, if Adam Morrison can manage to have two NBA Championships to his name, you can finish that essay by 9:30 tomorrow morning.
Notable Players Drafted After: Rudy Gay, Rajon Rondo, Kyle Lowry
Kwame Brown: 2001, 1st Overall (Washington Wizards)
For as good as Michael Jordan was as a player, I’ll be damned if you can justify his draft picks. With the first pick in the 2001 draft, Jordan drafted Kwame Brown straight out of high school, marking the first time a high-schooler had been drafted first overall. As you might expect, the transition to the NBA game was a rough one for Brown, and he struggled to ever find his place in the league. He averaged just 6.6 points and 5.5 rebounds for his career.
Notable Players Drafted After: Pau Gasol, Tyson Chandler, Jason Richardson
Darko Milicic: 2003, 2nd Overall (Detroit Pistons)
2003 is probably one of the top three draft classes of all time, along with 1984 and 1996. The top five picks in this draft were LeBron James, Chris Bosh, Carmelo Anthony, Dwyane Wade, and Darko Milicic.
I’m going to let you tell me which one of those names ended up retiring from a less-than-impressive pro basketball career in order to pursue a career as a professional kickboxer.
Unfortunately for the Pistons, they chose the one player of this group who has never made an all-star team. Milicic averaged a mere 6.0 points per game in his career. Luckily for Detroit, Darko’s flop didn’t stop the team from winning the 2004 NBA Championship.
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So the next time your $10 burrito is less than stellar, just remember– it could always be worse. You could be Michael Jordan (in terms of drafting, of course). Or, even worse, you could be the GM of the Portland Trailblazers and pass on Jordan and Durant in favor of Sam Bowie and Greg Oden. Hopefully, every time you bite into a burrito from now on, you will have the image of Tracy McGrady dunking on Shawn Bradley plastered in your head, and maybe then you’ll savor that cuisine a bit more than you did before.
