2016 Presidential hopeful Jill Stein had a folk rock band in the 1990s called somebody’s sister (intentionally lowercase for some reason). The duo was made up of Stein and folk musician Ken Selcer. This revelation continues the frankly inexplicable trend of politicians having musical careers. But unlike Bernie’s folk album or Martin O’Malley’s open mic nights at the HFSC, Jill Stein brought some much needed 90s “edge.” If you’re wondering if somebody’s sister sang environmentalist protest music, the answer is “of course they did.” This is Jill Stein we’re talking about, she basically defined the term single-issue voter.
I listened to the album circuits to the sun (again in lowercase, maybe they thought they should reuse the lowercase letters rather than wastefully using a capital) because it was the only album of theirs on Spotify. The cover has a picture of solar panels on it because apparently they thought writing “We’re environmentalists” would have been a little too on the nose. According to the band’s website, they recorded the songs at Jill Stein’s house. The sound quality is surprisingly good, however. Unfortunately for somebody’s sister, good sound quality does not make up for bad songs. The first song “Chance of a Lifetime” is an upbeat catchy number that made think for a second that the album might not be half bad. Those hopes are swiftly put to rest by the very next song. “Dancin’ Wild” is not only a terrible misnomer (I would sooner be caught dancing to Gregorian chants), it is also a song about a girl who is obsessed with social activism. Sound familiar? That’s right, Jill Stein simply wrote every song she sings on this album about herself. The song includes the following line:
It seems she gets a thrill
Tending social ills
Got to have a cause
It’s one of her flaws
Stein writes lyrics that are so unrelatable, it’s a shock that 1,500 people have listened to her songs.
“American Dream” is the most popular song on the album. I would not be stretching the truth to say that this song is literally just a get out the vote PSA. It honestly deserves an entire article dedicated to its sheer terribleness. The general idea is that the rich corporations are controlling the political system, and that we need to vote to start a revolution. My favorite line–and there are many to choose from–is in reference to government corruption:
It’s a crime on the street
Where’s a cop on beat?
It’s that kind of vivid imagery that Jill Stein brings to the song-writing table. Words cannot properly describe how truly awful this song is. It is so bad that it passes into the realm of self-parody.
This album would be incomplete without at least one song directly protesting pollution, and it is called “Dirty Little Secrets.” The secrets somebody’s sister tells the listener are about factories polluting rivers. Stein lets us in on these secrets using what can only be described as a very bad Kurt Cobain impression. The song is as poisonous as its subject matter and includes the gem of a line:
Reelin’ and rockin’
Dirty little toxin
And if you think “toxin” might be a metaphor for something, then you need to go and start this article from the beginning again because you apparently still think Jill Stein is capable of writing a metaphor.
This album was so bad that I can’t even describe how bad it was in writing. It has to be listened all the way through to fully appreciate its horror. But, of course, that would almost be as bad an idea as actually voting for Jill Stein.