Everything I Got Wrong In Sports This Year: TIER LIST (Volume 2)

May 10, 2024

Design by Tina Solki

It’s finals season on the Hilltop. You know what that means: Ben making another tier list to avoid doing homework. 

However, I must start this second edition of Everything I got wrong in sports this year (EIGWISTY if you will) with terrible news. I actually had a better year in predictions than last year, and as such, do not have as many Golden Eagle and Raptor sized gaffes for you to guffaw to this time around. Fear not, though. I still did miss big on a number of occasions. So with that said, let’s get into it.


Tier 1: “Most Unenjoyable Experience of My Lifetime”


#1: Jim Harbaugh could never win a natty

Yes, I know I underestimated Michigan on last year’s list too. Yes, I know the math says that if you get enough shots at something, at some point you’re bound to hit. But gosh darn it. I thought that if I stayed true to my Michigan State roots that at some point the booger-man (a reference to when Harbuagh appeared to pick his nose then eat the booger on national television) would falter. I was wrong. Again. In my defense, he technically only won nine games as the coach this fall, as he was rightfully suspended for six games during which his players acted like he was wrongly incarcerated or perhaps dead.

And to be fair, before beating Ohio State and winning his first Big Ten title a few years ago it was a pretty fair thing to say. After all, he’s not even the best coach among his siblings. Fortunately for me, I can’t be wrong about this subject any longer, as Harbaugh did the most Harbaugh thing ever and finally left Michigan (who stuck with him through even the horrific 2020 season, the first chance he got after years of trying to get back to the pro ranks). With that said, I’ll miss rooting against Michigan as much as I did when he was the coach, since new head man Sherrone Moore seems like a pretty cool dude. If anyone asks, I never said that.


#2: My entire March Madness bracket

*Hands in the air* I haven’t actually checked my bracket recently. It’s simply too painful to acknowledge. 

Special shoutouts to the Auburn tigers (the only Kenpom top 15 team to lose in round one, and my pick for national runner up), the Arizona wildcats (that’s on me for trusting a team led by a ball-dominant volume shooter), and the Purdue Boilermakers (more on them later).


Tier 2: Weak, Laterally Slow (just go with it) 


#3: St John’s wouldn’t sell their soul just to miss the NCAA tournament

While their resume was impressive, losing by double digits to 8-24 University of Michigan is not something that’s going to help you come tournament time. I was a firm believer from the moment the Johnnies brought on Pitino that any season from then until he retired would be a failure if the Red Storm missed the NCAA tournament. I stand by that—I just didn’t expect to see Pitino falter right out of the gate. Maybe next year he’ll recruit a roster that isn’t so laterally slow.


#4: Villanova has built a roster, too experienced (and too expensive) to fail

I unofficially had the Wildcats fifth in my BIG EAST predictions (behind UConn, Marquette, Creighton and St. Johns), and while they finished tied for sixth, it was what happened in the pre and post season that pulls this take up to #4. Nova not even being the best team in the greater Philadelphia area was not on my radar, but maybe it’s something that should be going forward. Not making the tournament with the roster the Wildcats had is nothing short of coaching malpractice, as unlike Seton Hall, there’s no real argument that can be made that the Wildcats were snubbed by the committee. 

Is there a hotter seat in America headed into next season than Kyle Neptune’s? 


#5: ACC Basketball is cooked

So in my defense, I wasn’t alone on this boat. With teams that were supposed to help carry the conferences water struggling (UVA, Miami), another not looking tough enough or together enough for deep runs early in the season (Duke), and a third coming off a massively disappointing season (UNC), it was hard to believe that the ACC was going to do a ton of damage in March Madness this year. While UVA certainly didn’t hold up their end of the bargain, UNC put up a good fight and Duke and NC State (!!) exceeded expectations to give the conference a memorable March.


Tier 3: Honorable mentions


#6: Izzo was going to get second this year

Rough year to be a Michigan State fan, huh? Don’t worry, next year is our year. Either that, or you’ll find this prediction right back in spot #6 next year.


#7: Providence fans are just like any other fan base 

Yeah, no need to expand here on all of that fan bases antics over the last year. Whether it be Marquette compliance officers, Georgetown student writers, or anyone else with anything nice to say about Ed Cooley. They’ll probably take it as a compliment though *shrug*.


#8: My brazen belief in the power of friendship (Purdue over UConn)

Purdue, more like Purdont, amirite? Edey had himself a bit of a game but by golly, turns out Loyer and Smith had not moved past their freshman year disappearing acts. Despite picking Purdue to get upset relatively early in my March Madness bracket, I went against my better judgment and declared many hours before game time that Purdue would pull off the upset against UConn.

Guess the only white boys who can hoop like that is the voice sports basketball team.


Bonus Content Alert (!!)


To make up for my improvement in projection ability (I promise to do worse next year), I’ve decided to bless y’all with some of the sleep deprivation induced (and naturally rejected) titles for the men’s basketball season preview piece I wrote last semester:

Get Hyp-Ed: Ed Cooley starts a new era of Georgetown men’s basketball

Steady Eddy: Cool-tivating Georgetown basketball’s Next Act

Providence Friar? I hardly know her! – Ed Cooley (no, he didn’t actually say that)

Great Ed-spectations: Cooley vows to bring Georgetown back, just not very quickly

Cool-fidently Ed-ffervescant: Georgetown on the Path Back to Dominance 

^(This one is our Sports Executive, Jo Stephens’, favorite of the bunch)


P.S. Hopefully you enjoyed those because I’m pretty sure our editor-in-chief and managing editor wanted to launch me out of writers night on a catapult because of some of the heinous ideas coming out of our sports section.

TL:DR I risked my life to bring you these headlines. Hope you enjoyed them.

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